Okey dokie.... where do I start? I'll have to admit that I didn't read all of each of your blogs on this subject, Puft... but I get the idea.
I say; suck it up. Sure it may not be fair... sure it may not be nice... but the amount of abuse a man takes from a women is far less severe than what happens to women on a regular basis.
If you were a women such as myself... you would definitely see this differently.
There's a good chance, no, a garentee, that a women very close to you has at least one horror story related to something terrible a man did to her. I am no exception... not by a long shot.
I've been sexually assaulted and harassed walking down the street, at work, at school, at supposed friends houses, my own home, and even in my sleep (twice in one night I might add). These are assaults that I will remember for the rest of my life. I've been assaulted by friends, strangers, and co-workers... people you just can't completely avoid in life. If I could force anyone of these many guys to experience the pain I feel, it wouldn't make me feel any better, although I feel as if it would be fair. Whenever I tell people about this (minus the work incident) I am usually shrugged off and told it was my fault in some way (including the sleeping incident). It seems as if it's so common, that no one really cares. Now, I have no choice but to accept this as what happened and live the rest of my life weary of the people I meet day to day. I'll never know when it will happen, just that it will definitely happen again.
I pulled some stats from Statistics Canada. They're a little out dated... but still proves a point.
198 - the number of female victims of homicide in Canada in 2004. On average, 182 females were killed every year in Canada between 1994 and 2003.
62 - the number of female victims of spousal homicide in 2004. Of these, 27 women were killed by their legally married husband, 20 by a common-law partner and 15 by a separated or divorced husband. Among solved homicides involving victims aged 15 and older in 2004, one-half of all women were killed by someone with whom they had an intimate relationship at some point, either through marriage or dating. The comparative figure for men is 8%.
13 - the number of women killed by a current or former boyfriend in 2004.
Violence against women
7% - the estimated percentage of women in a current or previous spousal relationship who experienced spousal violence during the five years up to and including 2004. Rates of spousal abuse were highest among certain segments of the population: those aged 15 to 24; those in relationships of three years or less; those who had separated; and those in common-law unions.
23% - the percentage of female victims who reported that the most serious form of violence experienced was being beaten, choked, or threatened by having a gun or a knife used against them.
44% - the percentage of female victims of spousal abuse who indicated that they suffered injury because of violence, with 13% seeking medical attention.
38% - the percentage of women who reported the abuse to the police who sought a restraining order.
24% - the percentage of Aboriginal women who said they had suffered violence from a current or previous partner in the five-year period up to 2004. The overall rate of Aboriginal spousal violence (both men and women) was 21% during this period, compared with 6% for the non-Aboriginal population.
11% - percentage of women aged 15 and older who stated that they were stalked in a way that caused them to fear for their safety or the safety of someone close to them. This was the equivalent of 1.4 million women. Among the victims of stalking, 9% of women reported that they had been stalked by either a current or previous spouse, or common-law partner.
Shelters for abused women
58,486 - the number of women who sought refuge in one of 473 shelters across Canada between April 1, 2003 and March 31, 2004. Overall, there were 543 known shelters in Canada providing residential services to abused women and their children. Of these, 473 participated in the Statistics Canada survey.
76% - the percentage of women who sought refuge in a shelter on April 14, 2004 who were escaping abuse. The vast majority of women staying in shelters to escape abuse were fleeing psychological or emotional abuse. Almost 7 out of 10 reported physical abuse, 50% threats, 46% financial abuse, 31% harassment and 27% sexual abuse. About one in three abused women in shelters on April 14, 2004 had reported their most recent abusive incident to police. Of the women who had stayed in shelters previously, 40% had been there once in the previous year, 38% had been there two to four times and about 1 in 10 had been to a facility five times or more during the previous year.
221 - the number of women, along with 112 children who could not, or would not be accommodated at one of 93 shelters on April 14, 2004. Of these 93 shelters, 62% reported the reason for referring them elsewhere was because the shelter was full, down from 75% in 2001/02. Other reasons for turning away clients relate to problems with alcohol and substance abuse as well as mental health issues.
3,519 - the number of women admitted to 31 on-reserve shelters between April 1, 2003 and March 31, 2004.
MYTH: Sexual assault is not a common problem.
FACT: Sexual assault is experienced by Canadian women every day at home, at work, at school and on the street.
A 1993 Statistics Canada survey found that one-half of all Canadian women have experienced at least one incident of sexual or physical violence. Almost 60% of these women were the targets of more than one such incident. (1) A 1984 study found that one in four Canadian women will be sexually assaulted during her lifetime. Half of these assaults will be against women under the age of 16. (2) For women with disabilities, these figures may be even higher one study indicates that 83% of women with disabilities will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime. (3)
MYTH: Women lie about being sexually assaulted, often because they feel guilty about having sex.
FACT: Women rarely make false reports about sexual assault. In fact, sexual assault is a vastly under-reported crime. According to Statistics Canada, only 6% of all sexual assaults are reported to police.
MYTH: Sexual assault is most often committed by strangers.
FACT: Women face the greatest risk of sexual assault from men they know, not strangers. Of the women who are sexually assaulted, most (69%) are sexually assaulted by men known to them dates, boyfriends, marital partners, friends, family members or neighbours. (4)
For example, four out of five female undergraduates recently surveyed at Canadian universities said that they had been victims of violence in a dating relationship. Of that number, 29% reported incidents of sexual assault. (5)
When a woman knows the man who sexually assaults her, it is less likely that it will be recognized as a crime, even by her. But these sexual assaults are no less a crime than those committed by strangers.
MYTH: The best way for a woman to protect herself from sexual assault is to avoid being alone at night in dark, deserted places, such as alleys or parking lots.
FACT: Most sexual assaults (60%) occur in a private home and the largest percentage of these (38%) occur in the victim's home. (6) The idea that most sexual assaults fit the 'stranger-in-a-dark-alley' stereotype can lead to a false sense of security.
MYTH: Women who are sexually assaulted "ask for it" by the way they dress or act.
FACT: The idea that women "ask for it" is often used by offenders to rationalize their behaviour. It also blames the victim for the crime, not the offender.
Victims of sexual assault report a wide range of dress and actions at the time of the assault. Any woman of any age and physical type, in almost any situation, can be sexually assaulted. If a woman is sexually assaulted, it is not her fault.
No woman ever "asks" or deserves to be sexually assaulted. Whatever a woman wears, wherever she goes, whomever she talks to, "no" means "no". It's the law.
MYTH: Men who sexually assault women are either mentally ill or sexually starved.
FACT: Men who sexually assault are not mentally ill or sexually starved. Studies on the profiles of rapists reveal that they are "ordinary" and "normal" men who sexually assault women in order to assert power and control over them. (7)
MYTH: Men of certain races and backgrounds are more likely to sexually assault women.
FACT: Men who commit sexual assault come from every economic, ethnic, racial, age and social group. The belief that women are more often sexually assaulted by men of colour or working class men is a stereotype rooted in racism and classism.
Men who commit sexual assault can be the doctors, teachers, employers, co-workers, lawyers, husbands, or relatives of the women they assault.
A recent survey on date rape provides a strong indication of the range of potential male offenders. In this survey, 60% of Canadian college-aged males indicated that they would commit sexual assault if they were certain they would not get caught. (8)
MYTH: It's only sexual assault if physical violence or weapons are used.
FACT:Sexual assault is any unwanted act of a sexual nature imposed by one person upon another. The Criminal Code definition of sexual assault includes a number of acts ranging from unwanted sexual touching, to sexual violence resulting in wounding, maiming or endangering the life of the victim.
Most sexual assaults are committed by a man known to the victim who is likely to use verbal pressure, tricks and/or threats during an assault.
MYTH: Unless she is physically harmed, a sexual assault victim will not suffer any long-term effects.
FACT:Sexual assault can have serious effects on women's health and well-being. A recent survey of Canadian women found that nine out of ten incidents of violence against women have an emotional effect on the victim. Women who have been sexually assaulted feel anger, fear and can become more cautious and less trusting. (9)
MYTH: Women cannot be sexually assaulted by their husbands or boyfriends.
FACT:Under the law, women have the right to say no to any form of sex, even in a marriage or dating relationship. The Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women found that 38% of sexually assaulted women were assaulted by their husbands, common-law partners or boyfriends. (10) Although sexual assault within relationships has been illegal in Canada since 1983, few women report such incidents to police.
(1)Statistics Canada, "The Violence Against Women Survey," The Daily, November 18, 1993.
(2) J. Brickman and J. Briere, "Incidence of Rape and Sexual Assault in an Urban Canadian Population," The International Journal of Women's Studies, Vol. 7, no. 3, 1984.
(3) Liz Stimpson and Margaret C. Best, Courage Above All: Sexual Assault Against Women with Disabilities, Toronto: DisAbled Women's Network, 1991.
(4) J. Brickman and J. Briere, "Incidence of Rape and Sexual Assault in an Urban Canadian Population", The International Journal of Women's Studies, Vol. 7, no. 3, 1984.
(5) W. DeKeseredy and K. Kelly, "The Incidence and Prevalence of Woman Abuse in Canadian University and College Dating Relationships: Results From a National Survey," Ottawa: Health Canada, 1993.
(6) D. Kinnon, "Report on Sexual Assault in Canada," Canadian Advisory Council on the Status of Women, Ottawa, 1981.
(7) Helen Lenskyj, "An Analysis of Violence Against Women: A Manual for Educators and Administrators," Toronto: Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, 1992.
(8) Lenskyj, 1992.
(9) Statistics Canada, 1993.
(10)Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women, 1993.
Toronto Rape Crisis Centre, "Rape," No Safe Place: Violence Against Women and Children, Connie Guberman, Toronto: Women's Press, 1985. Diana Russell, Sexual Exploitation: Rape, Child Abuse and Workplace Harassment, California: Sage Publishing, 1984. Audio-visual: The Family Violence Prevention Division of Health and Welfare Canada has compiled a collection of over 90 films and videos on violence against women and children which can be borrowed free of charge through the regional offices of the National Film Board.
Facts to consider
The majority of sexual assaults are not reported to police.
According to Statistics Canada, only 6% of all sexual assaults are reported to police. (1) Only 1% of women who have been sexually assaulted by an acquaintance report the incident to police. (2) An Alberta study on sexual assault against people with disabilities found that while 88% of offenders are known to the victim (family members, friends, acquaintances, caregivers), 80% are never charged and less than 10% are convicted. (3) In one study, women gave the following reasons for not reporting incidents of sexual assault: belief that the police could do nothing about it (50% of women gave this reason); concern about the attitude of both police and the courts toward sexual assault (44%); fear of another assault by the offender (33%); fear and shame (64%). (4) Women who have been sexually assaulted often fear that if they report a sexual assault, the will be revictimized by the justice system. For women of colour, and immigrant and refugee women that fear is compounded by racism. The credibility of women with disabilities has often been questioned when they report sexual assault, particularly in the case of women with developmental, psychiatric and learning disabilities. The credibility of sex trade workers is also often questioned. Incidents of sexual assault are often questioned by police, doctors, courts, even family and friends. If a woman is raped by a man she knows, it is often perceived that she "asked for it" in some way. Women often hear, and may tell themselves, messages such as "what did you think he wanted," "you drank with him didn't you," or "you should have expected something like this to happen."
(1) Statistics Canada, "The Violence Against Women Survey," The Daily, November 18, 1993.
(2) Diana Russell, Sexual Exploitation: Rape, Child Abuse and Workplace Harassment, California: Sage Publishing, 1984
(3) D. Sobsey, "Sexual Offenses and Disabled Victims: Research and Practical Implications," Vis-A-Vis: A National Newsletter on Family Violence, 6, no. 4, Winter, 1988. Ottawa: Canadian Council on Social Development.
(4) Solicitor General of Canada, "Canadian Urban Victimization Survey," Bulletin 4: Female Victims of Crime. Ottawa, 1985.
Facts to Consider
In many cases of sexual assault, the offender is a man the woman is dating. This is commonly called date rape. In other cases, the offender is someone the woman knows, perhaps a co-worker, an employer, a neighbour or a friend. This is known as acquaintance rape. Although date and acquaintance rape is no less a crime than rape by a stranger, it tends to be ignored or denied by people because the offender is known to the victim. Date rape has the lowest reporting rate of all forms of sexual assault. It is estimated that only 1% of all date rapes are reported to police. (1) There are many reasons for this including: failure to recognize date rape as sexual assault; feeling responsible in some way for the assault; fear of not being believed and shame at having been violated. The Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women reports that 31% of sexual assaults occur in dating and acquaintance relationships. (2) The majority of date and acquaintance rape victims are young women aged 16 to 24. (3) Four out of five female undergraduates recently surveyed at Canadian universities said that they had been victims of physical or sexual violence in a dating relationship. Of that number, 29% reported incidents of sexual assault. (4) Research indicates that a shocking number of young men and women believe it is okay to coerce a woman to have sex. In a recent Toronto study, 31% of males and 22% of females agreed when asked, "If a girl engages in necking or petting and she lets things get out of hand, is it her own fault if her partner forces sex on her?" Another study found that 60% of Canadian college-aged males said they would commit sexual assault if they were certain they would not get caught. (5) A study of 304 Toronto secondary students found that one-fifth of the young women had experienced at least one form of assault in a dating relationship. (6)
(1) Diana Russell, Sexual Exploitation: Rape, Child Abuse and Workplace Harassment, California: Sage Publishing, 1984.
(2) The Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women, "Changing the Landscape: Ending Violence, Achieving Equality," Ottawa, 1993.
(3) Helen Lenskyj, "An Analysis of Violence Against Women: A Manual for Educators and Administrators," Toronto: Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, 1992.
(4) W. DeKeseredy and K. Kelly, "The Incidence and Prevalence of Woman Abuse in Canadian University and College Dating Relationships: Results From a National Survey," Ottawa: Health Canada, 1993.
(5) Lenskyj, 1992.
(6) Shirley Mercer, Not a Pretty Picture: An Exploratory Study of Violence Against Women in Dating Relationships, Toronto: Education Wife Assault, 1987.
Date Rape: An annotated Bibliography, Ottawa: National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, Health and Welfare Canada, 1989. "I Never Called It Rape: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape." Ms. Magazine, Sarah Lazin Books, 1988. "Lindsay's Story: Education for Date Rape Prevention," 14 min.
This video depicts and occurrence of date rape and acts as a catalyst for a discussion of the issue surrounding sexual assault. A facilitator's manual is available. Contact the Mississauga Hospital Sexual Assault Team.
Facts to Consider
Sexual assault can have profound effects on women's health and well-being. It can result in physical injuries as well as psychological and emotional trauma.
Statistics Canada indicates that women are physically injured in 11% of sexual assaults. (1) The effects of sexual assault on a woman's mental health and well-being can be just as serious as physical injuries. Nine out of ten incidents of violence against women have an emotional effect on the victim. The most commonly reported effects are anger, fear and becoming more cautious and less trusting. (2) The emotional and psychological effects of sexual assault can also include: depression confusion sleep disturbances, including nightmares erratic mood swings eating disorders anxiety flashbacks Assaults on women with disabilities can trigger severe physical reactions. A woman with epilepsy may have a seizure, a woman with cerebral palsy may develop even more unclear speech, or a woman with diabetes may go into insulin shock. (3) A Toronto study shows that 83% of female psychiatric in-patients reported a history of physical or sexual abuse. (4) Research indicates that there is a higher rate of drug use among women who have been sexually or physically abused. Of women who have been sexually assaulted as adults, 20% use sleeping pills and 20% use sedatives. (5) Sexual abuse by physicians is a significant problem one study found that 8% of Ontario women aged 25-44 have been sexually harassed or abused by their physician. (6)
(1)Statistics Canada, "The Violence Against Women Survey, " The Daily, November 18, 1993.
(2) Statistics Canada, 1993.
(3) DisAbled Women's Network (DAWN), Violence Against Women With Disabilities, Toronto: DAWN
(4) Temi Firsten, An Exploration of the Role of Physical and Sexual Abuse for Psychiatrically
Institutionalized Women, Toronto: Ontario Women's Directorate.
(5) J. Groeneveld and M. Shain, "Drug Abuse Among Victims of Physical and Sexual Abuse: A
Preliminary Report," Toronto: Addiction Research Foundation, 1989.
(6) Health and Welfare Canada, "Canada Health Monitor Survey," Ottawa, 1991.
Margaret Gordon and Stephanie Riger, The Female Fear, New York: The Free Press, 1989. Jillian Ridington, Beating the Odds: Violence Against Women with Disabilities, Toronto: DAWN Canada, 1989. "Aftermath: Short Term Effects of Sexual Assault," 1990.
This video on the physical, psychological and emotional effects of sexual assault is available from Women's College Hospital, Sexual Assault Care Centre, Toronto, Ontario. A second video entitled, "Long Term Effects of Sexual Assault" is also available.
I'm not going to say that men do not get abused, because they most definitely do... But I believe that the severity and the amount of men abused is much less significant in numbers than what happens to women... which could very well explain why it's such a double standard.
Those stats are from present day... but up until the 1920's women were considered the sole possessions of their husbands... and found it very difficult to go through life without being married. They had no rights. Also do you recall the phrase "rule of thumb" which is derived from the law that stated that a man can beat his wife with a stick no larger than the size of his thumb.
Now that we're on the topic of phrases here's some more examples:
Bitch make me a sandwhich
Bros before Hoes
The 3 F's (Find em, Fuck em, Forget em)
Countless names for sexual acts associated with abusing women during sex for the purpose of obtaining a "funny" or "pleasurable" reaction. "Donky Punch" is a prime example.
Now with all that... it's no wonder why Carrie Underwood felt compelled to vandalize a truck.
Almost every example you have pulled from the media is actually "funny" when compared to the real-life happenings, and even the sexism against women in the media. Just think... it could be worse... you could be a women.