When it comes to relationships, and the ending of such relationships, I think that in my case it's always inevitable that they end.  However, I have truly come to the conclusion, that none of it has been my fault.  I'm a very loving, compassionate, understanding person who is more then willing to give a stranger a buck for gas, or a hug if they are crying... anything to help.   Hell, my profession is a position of assisting and helping others.

So what's the problem?  I figure that once you put money, trust and everything you are and have to another, they decide to abuse your kindness and take advantage of you.  How can people live with themselves when their partner is willing to be so much for them; only to turn around and slap them in the face?

I have been dating a guy for almost two years.  When we met, I was barely making due, and he had just moved to the city I was living in.  He didn't have a job, and I had two, so I decided to put up more, rather to expect for him to take care of gas, and bills, and whatnot... he very quickly got a job, and things were okay.  Or so I thought. 

Very shortly into the relationship he became somewhat abusive and used intimidation as route to win over arguments that he would start.  The first one started when we were just barely starting to move out from our roommates house and into a new place; he met up with a friend and someone gave him crack... he actually wanted to smoke it.  When I first got with him, I let him know... hey you want to smoke, or drink here and there... that's fine as long as it doesn't interrupt our day to day lives, our relationship, and no one becomes lazy, distant, or it starts it affect work.  I said if you ever want to be this way, you might as well take a hike because I will not allow it, it's not me, and it's not who I want to be with.  I said if you ever hit me, I will leave you after you're arrested and in jail. I personally believe in being honest from the start with your partner; being honest and open is an extremely important throughout the relationship. 

Well, back to the point, when he asked me if he could smoke it I said it was his life and he can make and break any decision he wants; whether or not I will be around to find out what happens is up to me though, and I had already told him how I felt.  When I expressed this to him and he knew what I would do (leave him), he became angry and irrational.  All of a sudden I was over-bearing and controlling.  So I basically said, well, I should just leave then... I thought we had an understanding but I was obviously wrong. 

When I tried to leave and go back home he freaked out.  He chased me up and down the roads in his car, while I was on foot, yelling and screaming at me' one minute saying please don't go and I love you, and the next minute calling me a cunt and a bitch and fucking idiot.  Obviously, he's a little crazy right... I thought so to.  So I just tried to get to where people were and not trying to talk to him about anything.  He gets out of the car and hits me several times in the back of the head, he was pushing me and swinging me around.  A bunch of guys who happened to be at the corner started to walk over to him and was telling him to leave me alone, and before he got killed, I figured I better get in the car and just talk to him about us leaving each other.

Well, to say the least this was only after a few months of being together... two years later I'm still dealing with similar bullshit.  He has been on probations for the majority of our relationship; receiving stolen property.  He gets off from probations in a few weeks, and supposedly everything is going to get better once this finally happens.  He is supposed to have his D Felony dropped to an A or B misd.  He is supposed to get a great job to help pay the bills, and then he wants to start working towards marrying me.

HAHA, Fat Chance.

But this is no joke.  He says it all of the time.  But how can I actually believe him?  He had one job for almost a year... the one he got when he barely moved to the city... then he got fired.  He didn't have a job for a while, but finally got one.  About a month or two after getting this job, he got fired for calling a customer a cunt!  Who does that?!  So again I was taking care of him.  He got another job, as a waiter, but he wouldn't shave when he went to work, so he got fired again; I don't think he was even at that job for a whole month. 

So months go by, and no job.  He starts working with our landlord’s manager of our duplex.  He works overtime, and he works hard, and he is getting so much business, and I am hardly seeing him, but that was okay because I was excited for him and excited for us.  The guy doesn't pay him, and my boyfriend never signed anything or even really talked to him about it! 

He finally gets a temporary job, but it's only temporary.  He had two assignments, and they both ended a while ago.  It's been over a month, and he again, still does not have a job.  He just sits at home and plays video games.  He doesn't pick up after himself, he doesn't take care of himself, I can't remember the last time he has shaved or gotten a hair cut, he doesn't cook, and he is abusive and aggressive and tries to turn things on me and make me feel like I am the reason for his depression.

I have tried to help him.  I have supported him, I have done his laundry, cooked his meals, cleaned up after him and the two dogs we own, I have paid for our trips and our lives and out bills... would you think I at least deserve a thank you and a kind word or two?  How about saying I love you? 

So I have been trying to distance myself.  I have been trying to do my own thing, as to not step on his toes and have him break my nose.  But I just don't think I should have to feel that way.  I'm 25y/o.  I'm a beautiful woman, both inside and out.  I take pride in myself; I'm a great friend, and loving daughter, sister, auntie, etc.  Shouldn’t I have more; a best friend, a true partner, someone to stand by me not to walk all over me? I am the best that I can be, so why should I bother wasting my time on the worst I could have?

Any suggestions?