No shit, there I was: knee deep in a rice paddy, nothing but shower shoes and a light coat of oil.
I had just escaped from the Hanoi Hilton and was making my way to the Mekong Delta, where I knew I would find friendlies. That's when it happened.... I heard a noise behind me and immediately took cover. Slowly looking over my shoulder, I saw who was tracking me. It was the Swedish Bikini Team, and they meant business. They were moving in with bayonets fixed, wearing camouflaged bikinis and face paint.
That's when my training kicked in and I went on auto-pilot. Thinking quickly, I grabbed an industrial size box of Jello brand gelatin that I had stolen from the guards and dumped it into the rice paddy, creating the world's largest cherry flavored jello cup. Bill Cosby would have been proud....
I began making the Swedish mating call:
GERDAY SHMERKIN, GERDAY SHMERKIN, GERDAY SHMERKIN!!! They couldn't help themselves, they stripped down to nothing and jumped into the cherry jello, giggling maniacally. I couldn't take my eyes off their....cherries.
Before long I noticed that I recognized these women...Tyaeda, Killerisme and SJG. There IS a God, glory be!
SJG said "here's a camera, I want you to take pictures of this and post them on EBW, we'll call it the Perfection Gallery." I then realized I was still wearing only shower shoes so I turned their bikinis into a makeshift banana hammock, raised my hands to the sky and thanked the LORD again and took off in the direction I last saw my squadmates (Deunan, Red, Dangle and our fearless leader MajorFatHead) go. I ran through the jungle for hours. I came into a clearing and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw before me.....
Movement in the jungle, shit a goddam VC patrol., but wait a minute this didn't look or sound like any patrol I'd ever seen. They were all marching and dancing in a line and I could've sworn they were all chanting "We're here, We're Queer, and there's no need to fear"
I faded back into the brush to get some better intel and as they came around the corner I saw some skinny poxy bastard in a NO_U t shirt carrying a rainbow sign, and right behind him a small troll like dwarf with a banner that said "Nova Loves The Cock" leading a dancing cavorting herd of trolls and wannabes (there was even a pimply women carrying a sign that said "Angie Too")
What the Fuck? It looked like Gay Days at Key West!
I knew I was out of my element, faded back to the jello pool where the Swedish Bikini team was giggling and toweling each other off with the gigantic ferns that are indigenous to the area and said SJG we need your special training to deal with this........
TAG SJG You're it!