So it has been a very long time since i have blogged. Just really need to get something out right now. I am brokenhearted.

I am trying to move on with my life with out someone. This person flat out refuses to speak to me because of a situtaion that was A.) not in my control and b.) because it was the worst timing ever.

now i know most of you will say "put on your big girlunderwear and get over it." well I have been trying. It didnt help that the last 3 months have been spent with him going out and sleeping with him. If he was done with the relationship he should have been just done with it. But he knew how i felt and used it to his advantage. Getting what he wanted and when someone else came along it was *poof* and never heard from him again. My calls and texts are ignored. My email deleted. and I am on the she doesnt exists list.

Yes I fell in love with a sociopath. Seriously look up the definition that is what I fell for. Why? I guess I am just a begging for it. I choose the wrong men. and I am surprised when they hurt me.  Why am i surprised? Because i long to be the exception. The one that they fall for. but its never the case. i hoped that one day he would love me and he never did.

I have been a complete and utter mess. Even though I knew we werent going to last. I hoped it would and i kept faith in us. But he never gave back. I have been completely turned off to dating. I really dont want to be with anyone right now. Not even a rebound. I dont have the capacity to trust them. DOnt want to hurt anymore. I can actually feel my brokenheart. I thought people where metaphorically speaking. But no. My heart is shattered and I have never felt this lonely. everyday I wake up and go about my life, i smile meet people do things but inside I am dying. My soul is battered and I cant wait till 3months down te road when i wont feel this shit anymore. I wish he would have just went away instead of using me the way he did.