a few days ago, a number of subjects were invited to my workshop of death. they made their choices about how they would die, one way or another... they would later go on to live their lives knowing that in some way they were going to die, although they were not quite sure how...

dylancharoud was the first to put his name down. Dylan was easily confused and became easily frustrated when things were out of place or did not make perfect sense.

one day Dylan read a blog and the summary picture said one thing but the title said another. he could not rest with this contradiction in terms being in existence. "how dare anyone mess with the equilibrium of the universe in such a way!" he complained to the user who submitted it and to the admin of the site, but it was not changed. all day long at work he would think about it and rush home each night to see if it had been changed. but each night to his horror; it had not. over the weeks it grew bigger and bigger in his mind, effecting his sleep, social life and work. In a final insane attempt to right the wrong, wearing the same shirt he had worn for a week, a full beard and insane look in his eyes, he tries to take down the whole internet in order to fix it, but his attempt fails . "its just not right!" he screams, running out of the internet café waving his arms in the air. he runs out into the road, not seeing the speeding bus coming towards him...

after the successful demise of Dylan, i moved onto Gijoe. i realised this one would not be as simple...

Joe was a CIA operative, a trained gun of an elite commando unit. expertise in weapons, explosives and infiltration; a one man army. he locates a drug factory hidden in the jungles of Columbia and parachutes in. he easily kills all of the drug lord's army protecting the factory, single handed. explosions and gun fire echo out across the area until the drug lord himself lays at Joe's feet. drenched in blood, Joe surveys the scene, smoking a cigar.

after a day of saving the world Joe relaxes in a local hotel. an attractive maid gives him a wink and passes him a note. it reads "i waiting for you in your room". inside the envelope there is a pair of her panties.

Joe enters the room and finds the maid, naked, spread out on the bed. as he takes a step into the room, two ninjas jump out, Joe grabs them, one hand behind each of their heads in lightning quick reflexes, smashing their heads together; knocking them both out. as they slump unconcious to the floor Joe looks over to the maid.

the maid is not what she seems either and is in fact an dual katana wielding lesbian assassin robot. Joe leans back as the blades pass his chest barely missing him, he dives for the desert eagle in the bedside cabinet. as the robot dives at Joe for a second time he shoots her arms off; the body falling onto him, partially winding him. pushing the robot off him he sees numbers counting down in her eyes 'oh shi..' he gets to his feet and runs towards the door, but before Joe makes it out of the room the robot detonates. *boom*.

two down, five to go...