Many noobs here have no idea who their King is! Why is that? Their King has forgotten his people while traveling and conquering far away lands. Places with strange names like 'Nekoville', 'Nekoland' and 'Nekovania'. Lands that were populated by confused hermaphroditic twelve year olds. Your king took no mercy on these wretched creatures.
Your King has now returned! Rejoice, dance naked in the streets! As your King it is my duty to treat my people with kind words. Words that when streamed together properly take you to places unimaginable in the minds of peasants. Who here remembers those long ago days of Flash Fiction masterpieces such as "Schizo Larry" or "Admiral Slin". Those are but a small sample of your King's ability.
For the hecklers and the naysayers in my kingdom...I rule with love of the written word and punish those who abuse it's power. I warn you now..."Do not even attempt to defy my rule or you will be hung by a chain around your neck in my courtyard for my amusement."
A true word weaver such as I does not simply 'tell' a story, I plant a seed in your weak little mind that eventually becomes a beautiful flower that I alone feed. You have starved long enough my people! I will plant whole gardens in your mind. I have returned to embrace the believers and slaughter the unworthy.
I am the needle that sews words on the fabric of the universe itself!!!
(to blow your fragile mind even more...you just got flash fiction'ed and didn't even realize it)