my finger feels the smooth metal of the trigger, the coldness of the steal under my touch makes everything feel more certain. the moments before i reached this point clicking in my mind like the cogs in a clock. click, he knocks into me as he walks past, so careless. click, he tells me to go fuck myself, how dare he. click, i push him away, what does he think he is doing. click, I fall on my back,  he stands above me laughing. click, i sit up in disbelief, what just happened? click, he walks away. all watch laughing.

I pull the trigger. no uncertancy now as i am committed to the action.  the spring loaded mechanism is released and moves towards the primer. the uncertancy is a mere memory as the pure hate pours out of my heart into my veins like fire through an apartment building. rage flickers on the back of his eyes making them more intense and manic than they were already. the firing pin strikes the primer at the rear of the cartridge. the anger boils and the primer detonates. a spurt of fire enters the cartridge case igniting the gunpowder. the hate that rages is released through the barrel with a cloud of rapidly expanding gas. the rage is expelled from my body through the barrel of the gun, leaving me nothing left to keep me stable. i take my attention from the gun, rembering the world around me.

the shocked faces show it all, the silence tells it all. i do not look towards what i know is there, just at the mother and her young daughter, who she trys to turn away. the man in the suit staring in disbelief, his coffee falling from his grip, mixing black with red. a moment of peace as the world stood shocked, all i can hear is the birds and the rustling of leaves. this moment of peace i never knew before, that lasted for my walk home and until the knock at the door.