Women. Please prepare yourself to be amazed that this blog is not going to touch on the common subjects which you ladies have so often referred to as "pigish" or "womanizing" or "illegal". Ok, ready? Be amazed.
Haha, i'm just fuckin with you ya slut bags, i'm gonna talk about your private parts and why I like 'em.
Women are great. Ok let me make that more specific. Parts of women are great.
There's only 2, maybe 3 things on this list. I left the option of 3 because I haven't decided If i'm doing this by body part or by orifice. Either way, I'm the greatest.
alright, the list:
1. Breasts- Breasts are great. Let's just be plain, simple, frank, and guys about it. Boobs are the greatest thing since sliced bread. In an instant these remarkable mamaries can change your entire mood, or even your entire day.
Picture this: You go to sit down after a long meeting with the boss, he's hounding you for not doing your work and fucking around on the internet all day......., then right when you get back to your cubicle, the hot secretary who wears V-neck shirts like she's trying to give away breast milk, drops her pen. That pen drops in slow motion for every guy who doesn't like the cock (ie. not tizzle), and then whitesnake comes on, and your mind fills in the sprinklers and beer posters where all the stupid office stuff is. She bends down for that pen and it's like a deer in fucking headlights. You know that if you don't look away soon enough and move you're gonna be dead, but it's just so glorious! BATHE ME, BATHE ME WITH YOUR GLORIOUS AND MAGNANIMOUS BREAST LIGHT! It's like being in front of a cozy fire. A cozy fire made of tits.
After that, you could get fired and it would have all been worth it. Cause that girl had some great boobs, and you've basically done everything you'd want to do with her in bed, inside your head, in 5 minutes.
Then you ask her out and she's all like "Ew! NO WAY"; and that children....that's when daddy busts out the roofies.
Is he serious? ahhh, we'll never know!
2. Asses - Asses, while not as orthodox as the breasts, are also great. Tell me when a slammin girl walks by wearin those stretchy pants with the little pink tag in the back that shape her rump perfectly that you don't pop like 14 boners at once. I once popped a boner so hard that I impregnated every woman in my office. Then the oldest lady who was like 73 died during labor because her uterus was basically the reproductive version of the sandlot. It was awkward.
But back to butts. haha. These things are kind of like the cool wrapping on a good birthday present. You don't wanna rip it (intentionally), and you could probably have plenty of fun with just the wrapper, but its what's underneathe the paper that you're really trying to get to. (Thats a reference to the 'vagina' for all you nerds, dorks, virgins, homosexuals, tizzles, midgets, strange half monkey-half horse creatures, elephants, llamas, and manbearpigs.) Personally, i think i'd have to say i'm more of an ass-man myself. Then again, my standards are remarkably low, and have been that way since puberty, so that probably doesn't mean much.
Speaking of low standards: Does herpes make your pee burn?
Well, thats all the female parts i care to talk about. If you're wondering why I didn't bring up personality, first of all you must be retarded and not know me, and second of all, You Can't Motorboat A Personality. Idiots.
Now accepting applications for the New England branch of the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood or "No Ma'am" for short.