At the end of the week my boyfriend will be reluctantly celebrating his 32nd birthday.  A couple weeks after that is our 2nd anniversary.   I wanted to do something personal and meaningful for him, instead of just buying him stuff.

 I decided to make like an online scrapbook, documenting the last 2 years together, and all of the reasons I love him.   I was going through some of his old belongings for inspiration and found some amazing artwork and poetry.   I would love to share it with you, but it's really personal to him, and I know he wouldn't appreciate it.

 I found some pretty surprising emotional expressions about love, happiness, and a lack there of.   It's strange.  To meet him in person, you wouldn't think much of him, simply because he isn't social.  He's that mediocre, quiet guy, with nothing unique to show on the surface.  But underneath is this very deep, intellectual.  I've yet to see very far beyond the red tape, and I'm probably the only person he's remotely opened up to in at least 10 years.

 Whatever I do find, like his sketchbook, has left me wanting more.  I didn't find out until after we started dating that he was a musician, artist, poet, and even a self taught Ti-Chi enthusiast. In the past two years, I've only seen small pieces of all that is him.  One thing I have noticed is that, unlike many people, he only does it for himself, because it's who he is.  He genuinely doesn't care if people know these amazing things about him, and he's even gone as far as hiding it.  It's just for him... he's not trying to prove anything.

 I look back to when we used to work together, and I didn't know very much about him.  He was just quiet... but not too quiet as to make him look like an outcast.  He's just like that guy that everyone knew, but not really.  Turns out, he's this way on purpose.   For example:  I didn't know he smoked weed until I accused him of being a non-smoker.

 What I'm trying to say is that... you only know what people want you to know.  2 years into it, and I'm still figuring him out... and I don't feel like I'm even close to really knowing who he really is.  It's made him the most interesting person I'd ever met.  I could sit here all day and talk about how wonderful and interesting he is.. but you probably aren't interested. 

 This has just made me think about who I am, and who other people think I am.  What do I let show, and what does this say about me?   How do you find yourself? And what happens when you do?  Are you like my boyfriend who isolates himself from people as much as possible, without looking crazy, or do you share it in the hopes that people can relate.... do you want them to relate?   I haven't really found myself, for myself.  My boyfriend chalks it up to "you're still young".  I hate it when he says that... but I understand him.  He's right... I've never been someone who has to rely on the relationship I have with myself, in order to find my way.  I've always relied on other people as an example, and I think many other people are the same way.

 It's because of this, I know my boyfriend knows me better than I know myself.  He often tells me things like "I felt that way when I was 21 too".  It's like he knows how I'll turn out, despite what I tell him, despite what I think. It's kinda creepy, but I have a level of appreciation for it.... unlike parents telling you... it's different.  It's like he's waiting for me to evolve into something, that's a surprise. 

He is wise, and very much unlike the guy I used to work with.  You just never know the people you'll meet.