I might have mentioned that I've been married for about 18 years. I might have mentioned that my marriage is, as much as it is possible, flawless. I thought I had this marriage thing figured out, but last week, I got thrown a curveball. I shook me to the foundations of my marriage and made me question the entirety of my relationship with my wife. I know that's foreshadowing, but I'll break the tension by saying that there's been no infidelity on anybody's part so far and I'm not in the process of terminating my marriage or separating from my wife.
I have had a revelation on the dynamics of marriage that merits writing a book about. I have had a divine insight into the inner working of human social behavior that is worthy of Desmond Morris or on par with Jane Goodall/Diane Fossey type primate insights. I won't be able to capture its enormity in this medium.
I'd always heard that a man and woman's sexual peaks are removed from each other by a couple decades. Not fair, but the universe loves its jokes. I was my understanding that a man peaks out at 18-24 and a woman peaks out in her mid thirties. Not that my wife has any deficits, but I was kind of looking forward to it. There's nothing wrong with a wife with a high libido. I know the internet is filled with pencil necks and ectomorphs that will tell you how swoll they are and faceless posters are prone to exaggerating real life facts, but I don't think I ever dropped out of my sexual peak. You hear the random factoid about how often a man thinks about sex, I think it's grossly understated. I can, at will, turn from a tender, thoughtfull husband into a pelvis thrusting caveman. Like I said, I know the internet is full of exaggerators, but I have penis superpowers. At times, it is possible for me to, karate style, break a board with my penis. "Hyaaaaaaaaaa!!" /Crack!/
For the last couple months, my wife hasn't much interest in sex. This, for me, is a problem. Timed with the decrease in her libido was a huge promotion that made her job VERY stressful. I decided that I wouldn't pressure her. She's stressed, not feeling sexy, and me pestering her with a rock hard dick bobbing around might not make the situation any better. I tried to show her as much nonsexual attention as I could and was patient.
Whenever I tried to talk to her, she told me she "wasn't happy." I assumed it was her job that was causing her problems. I knew there was something else, but I couldn't drag it out of her. It was bad enough that I ask her, point blank, if she was cheating on me. I've never suspected my wife, it just seemed to explain all of the behaviors. She said she wasn't cheating on me, and I believed her. But I made an appointment for marriage councelling for us anyway. On the paperwork for the reason of the visit, I said "lack of communication and physical expression of affection."
Two days before our appointment, my wife told me, in no uncertain terms, that she didn't think she loved me anymore and we should terminate our marriage. I couldn't have been more surprised if she sprouted tentacles out of her face and attacked me. My wife is not a drama queen and is not prone to hyperbolic behavior. I was ready for the divorce. My parents were in a loveless marriage for decades and I vowed it would never happen to me. I would welcome the foreclosure, dissolution of family (we have two kids), and loss of my marriage before I'd spend one night in a loveless bed. When we showed up at the marriage counsellor, I characterized our marriage as in "critical trouble" and I was ready to end it. If my wife didn't love me, didn't think our marriage was worth fighting for, and would rather be without me, fine. It just chapped my ass that I didn't know what the problem was.
Against all reason, my wife had lost interest in sex with me and lost confidence in her love for me because she'd hit her sexual peak. I'd always assumed that would include me getting laid every day and a new intensity in our marriage. Naive... so naive. No, fearless reader, apparently, a woman enter a mindset similar to that of a man when he's 18.
My wife had never had any thoughts of infedelity before. Not once in our long marriage had she considered cheating. Now, like an 18 year old man, she was perving out left and right. Uninhibited though she is, this brought up guilty feelings and made her come up with the assumption that she didn't love me anymore. Guys, we often perv out on things that are not even human, but rather vaguely human shaped. Perving out on strangers while I'm happily married and faithful is the norm. Women don't see it that way. Their feeling of lust and love are more tightly bound than ours, guys. By her reasoning, how could she possibly still love me if she's trying to imagine what some guy at work's dick looks like?
I'll paraphrase and say that for the last week, my wife and I have been communicating our asses off. We've figured out exactly what it is in our marriage that each of us hasn't been getting and made an action plan for improvement. Part of that has involved sex. An absolute crap-ton of sex. I've had more sex in the last week than the previous two months combined. We've also started to engage in some bizarre and titilating behavior like going to the longest continuous swingers party on Earth. We haven't mess around with anybody else, but as I'm totally the opposite of inhibited and now my wife seems to be too, we've done some pretty crazy things while we're there. http://vegasredrooster.com/index.html
We're in the middle of this bizarre, high school-like, groping and hot, rabid weasel sexcapades right now. Some crazy shit just happened tonight, I'll have to blog about it later, but right now, so far, neither my wife or I have even kissed another person with passion for almost 20 years.