The things that keep me awake at night

Now this isn't a blog about monsters or the burglars breaking in through the back window, it's about the ponderings that race through my head constantly. If anyone can answer any of these, that would be of great help, or if you're feeling horrible you can write your own and continue to keep me awake at night.....

If a cat always lands on it's feet and toast always lands butter side down, what would happen if you strapped toast to a cat's back and dropped it?

Why are all the contestants for 'Mr Universe' from earth?

Why, when someone tells us there are billions of stars in the solar system we believe them, but if they tell us the paint is wet, we have to touch it?

How can there be self-help groups?

What does cheese say when it gets it's picture taken?

What do the Turkish eat for christmas dinner?

Why isn't 11 pronounced 'onety one'?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If you tried to fail and succeeded, what would you have done?

Who decided that the word 'lisp' would contain the letter 'S'?

When deaf people are in court, is it still a hearing?

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it go?

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

What happens if you are scared half to death twice?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do they sterilize the lethal injection?

What would happen if someone hit superman with a lightsaber?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Can an oriental person become disoriented?

If you pull the wings off a fly, does that make it a 'walk'?

If there's a microphone and a megaphone, what happened to the 'averagephone'?

Why don't fish die if lightening hits the sea?

How come when you scream “ARGH!!!” in a library everyone stares at you but when you do the same thing on a plane everyone joins in?

If teflon doesn’t stick to antthing, how does it stay on the pan?

Any ideas anyone?

Uploaded 06/23/2008
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Tags: ponderings