Today is just like yesterday, and yesterday was the same as the day before. I pace the floor, wearing ruts into it. I find something to do to occupy my time for a few minutes, but I am really not into it. I have found it best not to wear my watch for thew time being. I just end up constantly glancing at it, willing it to move forward. I can't stand this.

I know that we don't have much longer to wait, only a couple more months, but it seems like forever. It has only been three weeks since we last held each other, tears running down my face, not caring that the entire Sydney airport heard my sobs. I cried for hours on that flight home. I apologized to the nice young men who sat next to me, explained why my tears refused to stop. They made sympathetic noises and wished me well, but I doubt they really understood.

Our hearts have been together for almost a year and a half, but we have actually only shared space for a total of six weeks. We have missed two Christmases, two New Years,  two of your birthdays, and possibly one of my birthdays. It's amazing to me that we still feel so much in love with each other as the first day we met. But I do.

And the other thing that we must keep quiet about for now...... It remains hidden away for the moment, and the need for hiding it breaks my heart. One who knows is not supportive. This person will never accept me in your life, and that hurts so very much. What else can I do but smile, and never turn my back on this person? What a shame.

I will continue to pace the floor, waiting for the day when I may drive to the airport, tears of joy running down my face. I will wait for the day when I can bring you home.

I love you