Thinking out loud again...

You ever have one of those days where you feel like your thoughts are loud enough for people to hear them? Those days where you're so deep into concentrating on your inner monologue that you have to catch yourself every now and then to make sure you're not talking to yourself?

I had a day like that today. I'm at the subway station, and in the midst of all this other shit flying around in my head, I look over to see this dick in a form-fitting pink A&F collared shirt, collar popped of course, jeans, flip-flops, this god-awful straw hat and a look of self-righteousness on his face. He of course has a cute little Asian girl in tow, telling her all sorts of horribly shallow stories, which only truly exist in MTV 'reality' shows. I watch this for a few moments, and I say to myself, "Jesus Christ, what a fucking douche." As this is coursing through my head, he looks and sneers at me like I just spat it all into his face, real-time. It just spooked me out, and I know I didn't say it out loud because I was sipping on my iced coffee at the same time. I've been told I have a pretty animated face, and I really can't hide my expressions well. Maybe that was it.

But then it happened again. I'm a really observant person, and I look at the little details of people all the time. Before you turn that into a filthy, gutter- ridden judgement, let me explain. I like to see how people stand, the way they walk, the little OCD-type things they do while waiting, the type of clothes they wear and how they wear them. I'd like to think that all visual, artistic people do this at some point (...we all do, right...?) Anyway, I look over, and I see a woman that's dressed pretty cool; a wife beater and hip-hugging black jeans, rolled up to the calf, some fresh adidas, tattoos up her arm, and those hip, black-rimmed glasses that I think only girls look good wearing. I think to myself, "Nice. She'd be cool to draw." Again, this look of defiance gets thrown at me, but then like a minute later, she sort of smirks to herself. What the fuck?

I think it's more like I don't realize I'm observing a little too hard, and people catch me in the act. Some days I feel like I have a giant booger hanging out of my nose and everyone's staring at it, so I get all paranoid. I don't know, just one of those weird nuances that come about when you're left with your own thoughts for a bit I guess.

Uploaded 08/07/2008
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