Her name is Juliet. She loves her dog Robert and her fishes. And she is more hardcore than you ever were at 8 years old.

Written and recorded by Australian producer (and family friend) Rob Sharpe, "My First Hardcore Song" has Juliet windmilling in the streets and yelling, "Let's open up this pit" before trampoline-moshing her stuffed animals into my heart.

Whenever I should have children, they will have a lot to live up to ... unless, of course, they learn the words to "War Pigs" before their ABCs.