This is Mexico... LONG READ




Anything you have ever heard, seen or been told about Spring Break is 100% false

Because whatever they told you was really so much more intense.




Catching the bus at 2am after two days of solid Irish drinking seemed like a horrible idea.  Once we saw the keg our opinions quickly changed.  After some on bus nudity, beer bongs at 70mphs and 50 count keg stands, Kyle, Brad, Trevor, and Myself, broke into the three liters of tequila and two fifths of vodka we brought ourselves.  For 15+ hours we proceeded to get completely fucked up beyond belief… also bus 2.5… your bus was shitty… I think it was spray painted purple… also the kid with the cock drawn on his face, which we had to lock in the bathroom, just to smuggle into Mexico… you also suck. 


The first night I either had my wallet stolen or I threw it into a toilet so the Mexicans wouldn't steal it… either way I had no ID and no Money for the rest of the trip.  Blake and I were trying to by the VIP room, in the process I bought a table of drinks.  After I bought the drinks this large man named cabala or something decided it would be a good idea to grab my head pour tequila in my mouth and shake me around a bit… then he tried to charge me 4 dollars.  I was drunk and I had just bought the table of drinks for everybody… so I told cabala to go fuck himself, security started surrounding me and I started to spit in their faces. Kyle started speaking fluent Spanish all of a sudden, it really was amazing. This part of the night I don't really remember but from what I'm told I kept trying to fight security, I ran out of the night club, Brad Kyle and Trevor called the Mexican jail looking for me, they found me 5 hotel rooms down from ours banging on the door trying to get in.




I woke up at 7am staring at Trevor's ugly ass face not remembering how I got back to the hotel, I jumped up in a panic and tripped over somebody's luggage, I fell into the wall and reached for my pocket… noticing I didn't have a wallet.  I sat by myself for about 10 minutes trying to figure out what I should do.  I tried to call home and I got a Mexican hotel operator who said I couldn't call out without a credit card, well since that was in my wallet I was basically fucked.  I then heard screaming coming from the pool below and because my roommates weren't even close to being conscious anytime soon I decided… I'm going to go hang out with the drunken fuckers in the pool at 8am. 


this was a nice break... and during the process i met some awesome chicks from Pi Phi... Courtney and Nicole... thanks for the Beer


Later in the day Lachelle along with me and the boys entered the beer drinking contest... which i am proud to say... WE WON... cal poly didnt have shit on us.  also later in the day Lachelle kicked ass in the chocolate mud wrestling... THATS RIGHT... CHOCOLATE MUD WRESTLING...


Tuesday night was one hell of a night let me tell you


It started out with us on our way to the night club, in the process me and kyle lost brad and trevor, once we got to the night club kyle kept trying to get the female bar tender to give him free shots... she was good at her job and proceeded to take dollar after dollar from kyle.  this being Mardi Gra night, kyle thought it would be a good idea to take his shirt off... papa's and beer thought otherwise and slapped a sticker across his chest.  I decided to leave kyle at the bar and see if i could find brad and trevor... i left the night club and actually did find trevor... we went to a bar that we had bought $5 wristbands for... that ment free drinks for the entire night... we got trashed and as we walked outside to go back to papa's and beers we see brad... are you ready for this... BRAD WAS HOLDING A STRAY DOG ON A LEASH... where he got it nobody knows... but when we walked up to him he just kept repeating "I am the Dog" and "The dog is me" in Spanish... so we left brad alone, and went back to find kyle... i once again lost trevor... i found kyle still trying to get free tequila from the bartender. I took kyle and sat him down next to this fire pit... we hung out for a while... then people started coming up to me... asking me if that was my friend outside the club with the dog... i guess brad was walking it up and down the road trying to get it into the night clubs.... nobody would let him in so he bought a taco for the dog and set him free... me and kyle continued to sit by the fire until KYLE DECIDED TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF AND THROW IT IN THE FIRE... i yell at kyle "what the hell are you doing" so he grabs his shirt and puts it back on... ITS STILL ON FIRE... i push kyle in the sand and make him stop drop and roll... at this point trevor is still missing... and brad is walking his dog in mexico... and well kyle... he is smoldering... a little time goes by and kyle decides he has had enough... he jumps up without saying a word and runs through a crowd of people towards the exit of the night club... i get up to chase kyle and i run into trevor... all he has to say is "ABSYNTH MOTHERFUCKER" i instantly think... oh fuck... this kid is seeing green fairies... i bring trevor over to the fire... and decide... fuck kyle he is on his own... a few more mins go by and one of the SWAT reps finds me... he tells me... hey your buddy brad isnt alright... they take me to brad and he isnt moving... in fact he looks dead... me and 2 other SWAT reps drag him to a taxi and drive him to the hotel... at this point... kyle is missing and trevor is still at the club... we get brad to the hotel and it takes 7 grown men to carry him from the taxi to the room... when we got to the hotel we found Kyle... he was shirtless and in the lobby... i guess he ran 2 blocks in the time it took us to take the taxi to the hotel... as we carried brad into the hotel one of the security guards pulled out a camera... and took a picture with him... posing like he was a hunter who had just killed a deer... we got brad into the hotel and made him throw up by shoving his sunglasses into his mouth... we got brad positioned and figured he was going to live... after about 10 mins of dealing with brad in the hotel room... we get a knock on the door... ANOTHER SWAT REP FOUND TREVOR... he has trevor slung over his shoulder... THEY FOUND TREVOR GETTING INTO A CAB WITH A MEXICAN PROSTITUTE... thank god they stopped him... and trevor didnt have any money... so she probably would of had him killed or something... either way in a matter of 45 mins all 4 roommates were reunited... one on fire... one with a dog... and one with a hooker.


Trevor passed out on top of my luggage and began puking all over it... i left half of my clothes in mexico because of this.


That night me and kyle slept out on the balcony... because of the vomiting that was taking place

it turns out Brad and Trevor shared 2 bottles of Absynth... IT IS ILLEGAL IN AMERICA FOR A GOOD REASON.


around 4am out on the balcony... somebody from a lower floor through a beer can up at us and yelled party... they knew us from earlier in the night when i brought over 30 people into our room to look at the damage and the 2 drunk asses passed out... well the beer can bounced off the wall and hit kyle in the head... it was so damn funny


About an hour later the fire alarm went off in the hotel room... i think only 6 people in the entire building got up to see what was going on...


when we woke up that morning kyle had a big blue piece of gum attached to his head... the other end stuck to the balcony... he didnt get the gum out of his hair until we got back to reno...




Day 3 was actually pretty mellow… people had to recover after the night before…


That night did get pretty wild tho… the night clubs were insane Myas was sick… and it was fantasy costume night or something… so to say the least… tons of skin…


Club after club… drink after drink… dance after dance… 3am rolled around and a group of us reno guys met up and decided we should go to the strip club… THIS UNRULY MOB of 10 plasterd guys chanted Strip Club through the streets until we found a taxi… it could only seat 6… but that didn't matter… the driver said the strip club was 4 miles away… and he would only charge us 1 dollar each.


We decided that it was one hell of a deal and got in the taxi… little did we know the closest strip club was actually about 1 block away…


About 12 miles later we are all kinda thinking… what the fuck is going on… where are we at?,… this isn't where I parked my car… the chants of Strip Club and Donkey Show quickly changed to Bad Idea and Dirt in My face (had to been there)… we also did a Turbo chant… which encouraged the driver to speed up… that wasn't our plan… this guy was going around 80 mph… with 4 extra people in the car… on a 2 lane road at 3am in mexico… we finally got to the first "strip club" and it was completely empty… no lights… no cars… nothing… he then tells us the next strip club is only "4 miles away" so we decide… "do it for the story"… he begins to drive… after about 6 miles we reach a military check point… no joke machine guns and bright lights… they could of killed us white boys right then and nobody would of ever found us… we get through the check point and drive probably 12 more miles… the driver pulls into this trailer park with bright neon signs that read "VIRGINS"… again the bad idea chant starts… and we demand that he takes us back to Rosarita… we actually ended up in Ensinada mexico… some 25-30 miles away from our hotel…




Day 4 consisted of drinking by the pool… Pi Phi girls did enter a tequila relay race that was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen… people falling down and running into each other… I laughed for hours…


My roommates did spend about $20 on around 200 assorted types of fireworks… and proceeded to blow up the Mexican beach throughout the day… once it was dark the rest of the reno guys and them launched fireworks at the hotel… seriously I was standing in my window and all of a sudden it was the 4th of july… were not talking fire crackers… but full on FIREWORKS…


that night was the Warren G concert… we started the night by taking 4 shots of ABSYNTH each… the concert wasn't bad… warren g is kinda old… and everybody wanted to hear regulators and nothing else… at the end of the night… me and kyle were walking back to the hotel and we ran into warren G… he was with 2 of his "Posse" members… and we started talking to him… he was also on his way to the hotel… one of his body guards opend a brief case… and showed us a gun that was inside… he then said… you 2 walk up front… in front of us was a group of locals… basically if shit was going to go down… me and kyle were the first wave of defense… we continued to walk… and warren was a pretty cool guy… talking to us about tequila and tequitos and shit… he was way fucked up… once we got to the hotel we flashed security our wristbands… me kyle and warren… they let us through… but they didn't let warrens posse in… kyle asked warren… "Did security really just check for your wrist band?" And he replied… its ok… im to drunk to whoop that guy's ass" we got to about the hotel pool when warren realized they didn't let his posse in… he peaced out to us and said "hey hommies I need to go get my friends"




By the end of the trip the boys in 614 were known by everybody… we had won the beer drinking… lit ourselves on fire… been to ensinada… tried to get a ride with a hooker… launched fire works… fought a night club… bought a stray dog… and walked with Warren G… everywhere we went somebody knew us… and atleast one of our storys… it was pretty cool


The bus ride back was nothing like the ride down… a lot of sleep… a detour in LA… snow at the Donner pass… and a 4am arrival… we did grab some beers in Stockton… but that was it



Uploaded 07/26/2008
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