Till death do it part.

Marriage has been a hot topic for both my boyfriend's and my own families.   My cousin is getting married next month, while my boyfriend's brother just got married in July.

I'm glad that their happy, but now the pressure is on us to get hitched.   A lot of our family members question and even belittle my opinions on matrimony.   I don't really see the point when it comes to my life and preferences, and it's weird for people to accept the fact that it's not something I really hope to do.   "All girls dream of their wedding days"  "you'll want it eventually".   Sorry ma, but that just doesn't do it for me.

I used to like the idea, but really it sounds like a lot of stress to go through, for one day that's supposed to be fun.   For one, I don't like to spend large sums of money unless I absolutely have to, or it's something I really want.... like a house.   It's really hard for me to see the necessity behind a ceramony. And believe me, some people do think it's very important.  (They tend to tell me all about it).   "It's something people are just supposed to do.  It's life".   I disagree.... it's culture. Outdated values even.  Something people do because society says it's a pivotal moment in one's life that everyone should be able to experience (except gays, right?). 

That's another thing.  I'm not at all religious.   The last time God meant anything to me, was before I stopped believing in Santa Claus.   It doesn't impact my life what so ever, so it really doesn't make sense for me to want to participate in a religious ceremony,  hear about how God has brought us together, and to make a promise to him and my bf to stay faithful and what have you.  Make it official....

Fuck that pisses me off.  Official.  I love him, we live together, and we won't break up any time soon.  If that's not official to you, you can go fuck yourself.   I've encountered a few perverts that actually think it's ok to hit on girls that aren't married, because "it's not set in stone".   As if a ring and a piece of paper is fool-proof pervert repellant.  If that actually worked, I would pretend to be someone's wife, but it's not worth actually doing.

Another point I'd like to make, that most people already know about is, the divorce rate.  In  North America, more than half of all marriages end in divorce , and that does not count the people who haven't made "it official" and are separated.    I think it's safe to assume that nobody promises to be with someone forever, through marriage, when they know it isn't going to work out... at least not over %50 of everyone.   Really, I'd like to consider those statistics and not invest that much into "it sounded like a good idea at the time". 

So what are the benefits to marriage?   I'd get to change my name if I wanted to, and there's a growing trend of hyphenated last names, that doesn't really appeal to me either.   I can get some jewelery, that would have to get cut off of me if I broke my finger at work.  Not very practical. I wouldn't want to damage it, especially if it's that symbolic and expensive.  I think it would be cool if me and the bf decided to get tattooed together.  But that wouldn't mean the same thing to all the nosey people out there... even though ink is for life.

Since I'm not into formal events, or large get together's.  And since I don't like to get dressed up, knowing that all eyes are on me... the ceremony and reception, and even the planning, isn't appealing to me. There isn't much about marriage that I couldn't get without getting married. 

Getting engaged is a huge deal for a lot of girls, and even dudes.   But I don't need my man to get on one knee to know that he wants to share his life with me.  Nor does he have to do that for me to feel overjoyed and loved by him.   I've been engaged before.  The kiss I get every morning before my bf leaves for work, means 100 times more to me than that request did.  

You know... I can still do other things like have kids, buy a house, and even be a legal spouse without signing a marriage contract, or wearing a ring on my finger.

I understand that not everyone agrees with me.  And I think it's totally fine to want to make a big deal out of it.   I just don't like the pressure.   I know that marriage had an important purpose in history, but I don't think society needs it nearly as much anymore.  Women can make lives for themselves without having to be some man's wife, which is something we couldn't do before.    Religion simply does not have the same influence on society that it once had, so I'm assuming that it's practices will eventually follow suit, especially in non-believers.  Or maybe people will assign different meaning to it like they did with Christmas.  It's not about Jesus as much as it is about spending time with family. 

Uploaded 09/02/2011
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