'Tis The Sneezin'

Something incredibly gross happened to me today. I had to go to the hospital to get my hand re-stiched (I got it horribly mangled the other day in a machine at work). I tore a stich trying to open...of all things...a jar of pickles and it bled a fair amount, so off to the local hospital I went.

On par for the day, the hospital waiting was the fullest I've ever seen it in my sorted history of hospital visits. Instinct told me I would be a long, long, long time there (there was a guy with his head all bloodied and bandaged, as well as a woman with what looked like a fork sticking out from under a wrapped hand) so I gave my information to the amazon at the reception desk and took a seat.

Hospital waiting areas are a funny place to be. Everyone is sick (or frustrated) enough to let their true colours show---no room for polite conversation or feigning courtesy here. I saw a man standing at the side trying to see the television set that was mounted to the wall who was waiting out an old woman in a chair who had a good vantage point to the screen. When she got up to use the bathroom, he swooped in like a hawk and stole her seat! Another man grabbed another fellow's newspaper when he wasn't looking and retreated off to another area of the waiting room so as not to get caught. Silly people doing silly things.

I sat quietly looking at an issue of MacLean's Magazine (the Canadians of the crowd know what I'm talking about!) dated September 8 and awaited my turn. I didn't pay much attention to the woman next to me, who was doing a lot of sniffing and under-the-breath moans. She looked like three sheets of death, and who am I to engage the dying in a conversation, so I paid her no notice.

...until it happened.

I saw from the corner of my eye that Lady Death was making a quick motion in my direction. It all happened too fast to react to. The squinched eyes, the drawn back mouth, the gasping for air, the raised hand...this bitch was going to sneeze. And she did...right onto the side of my face.

I've had some experience with sneezing. Generally you know what constitutes a sneeze. This was like nothing I've ever encountered before. It was like someone took the mucus of a thousand unhealthy people, crammed it into her sinus, and set a delayed timer so they could witness the carnage from a safe distance.

I immediately wiped at my cheek (delighted to find she left a tiny friend for me there) and screamed at her "What the fuck?!". She didn't look embarassed, sorry or even cognitive of what she had done. All she mustered was a little "phew" sound, dragged her index finger under her nose to collect the straglers, and went back to her book.

So here I was, bandaged hand and splashed with the snot of another. I asked her what the hell she was doing, why she had do it...the normal reactionary questions to getting sneezed on. She didn't even look at me, much less answer. All  wanted to do was thrash her with my lame hand, but reasoning kicked in and relented. I settled for getting up, calling her a twat, and searching out the washroom to wash myself off. When I got back she was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she got called in, maybe she left...who knows.

Are people getting ruder or just more stupid?? Who sneezes in another person's face and doesn't acknowledge their idiocity? Had she apologized I would probably have still been pissed but refrained from calling her a name. What the fuck is up with society?!? Not just Sneezy McGee, but the other assholes who had no compassion for their fellow sick citizens. People were treating each other like shit, and nobody seemed remorseful or even sorry.Ten to one odds says that by next week I'll have caught a nasty flu bug, too.

'Tis the season, I guess.


-The Big Bad






Uploaded 12/19/2008
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