To the Wait Staff:

I shall address you as two separate parties, because that's how you are regarded by myself and the general public.


To the bad wait staff: 

It is not my fault that you don't feel like working today.  Also, I think it's rather unreasonable that I'm the bitch for not leaving you a twenty percent tip when you didn't do anything close to earning it.  You should know that twenty percent is not the default minimum.  It's just a guideline for people who want to know how much is appropriate to leave for a person that served them well, or at least competently.  Making me wait fifteen minutes to order when the restaurant is nearly empty is not serving me well, nor is dropping my coffee down in front of me and scooting away before I can say "Could I have some half & half?"   

You did eventually get me those creamers, though I asked for half & half.  I know you have them too, because that lady over there with a different server has some.  You still get a deduction of points, because I didn't get to ask for them until you showed up with my food, and then I had to wait too long again for you to return with them.  Also, I waved to get your attention for this while you flirted with the busboy and pretended not to see me.  I usually don't wave, because I hate interrupting people while they're working because I figure they'll get to me when they can, but you...weren't working...so...Well, the food is good (thanks to the kitchen staff), but like my coffee, is only slightly above room temperature (thanks to you). 

Your overall attitude sucked too.  Your body language, facial expression and the manner in which you set things down much harder than necessary was a little unnerving.  If I wanted to be uncomfortable while eating, I would've taken my married friends up on their invitation for lunch and listened to them make passive-aggressive comments about the other while pretending to be preoccupied with my patty melt.

Well, I'm late getting back to work.  That'll teach me to not go to Subway on my lunch break.  I'll just leave you with this advice:  Change your attitude, or just get used to shitty tips.


To the good wait staff:

I like your style.  It was courteous, but not in a fake, over-solicitous way.  You know no one expects you to pretend like you love your job, but to just act professional, and you do.  It's cool that you take time to chit-chat with the regulars, but don't let it get in the way of your job.  Oh, and that glass of ice water you gave me with my coffee when I didn't even ask was very old school and nice.  I know if I'd asked the bad wait staff for one, I'd have gotten a sigh and a hastily delivered glass with fingerprints around the rim and no straw, while the server might as well have used a smoke bomb to make their escape.

Also, kudos to you for not telling that guy who just sent his steak back that it wasn't cooked improperly, it's that he just doesn't know what "medium-well" actually means.  For all the inappropriate comments from drunk and/or obnoxious patrons, screaming children and the parents that don't control them, and indecisive nitpickers, you never seem to let that affect how you handle your next table, and that's what professionalism is all about.  Have a nice day.  Here's your twenty percent, plus a little extra.