by Emily Neeland
Here at Private Island, we believe that it's hard enough being a woman these days without Hollywood constantly reinforcing negative stereotypes. Private Island presents the Top Ten Worst Movie Stereotypes of Women.
1. Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)
Portrayal of Women: Materialistic
Rebecca Bloomwood is a raging shopaholic with a mountain of credit card debt who inadvertently lands a job writing for a financial magazine even though she really wants to write for a fashion magazine. Oops! But that's okay, because at the ironic economic advice job she meets her new boss/love interest who is a totally hot rich dude. He gives her the money to pay off her debts by sending bidders to purchase HER OWN CLOTHES from her at an auction. She gets to keep the goods, lose the debt, and lands a smoking hot rich guy who makes it all possible.
"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better."
2. He's Just Not That Into You (2009)
Portrayal of Women: Desperate
A bunch of ladies running around frantically trying to get the men in their lives to be 'that into' them. We see desperate women chasing married men, giving ultimatums for marriage, and cyber-stalking their desired mates. By the movie's end, the main character gets with the Cool Bartender who told her what a desperate hag she was in the first place. He was too cynical and cool to find love himself, until her desperation inspired him to really put himself out there. Jennifer Aniston gets married on a boat.
* Bonus points for casting Aniston, the Patron Saint of Desperate Women.
"I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me."
3. Bride Wars (2009)
Portrayal of Women: Catty
Two lifelong friends lock their horns in battle over the same venue for their respective dream weddings, which have been booked for the same day by accident. Sabotages are made, insults are exchanged, and very expensive things are destroyed all in the name of love. Just kidding! It's in the name of fancy princess fantasies. But in the end the two gals reconcile their differences and make amends because BABIES!
"Your wedding's gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom."
4. Sex and the City II (2010)
Portrayal of Women: Just the Worst
Four sexy, mature women go on vacation to Abu Dhabi to escape the stress of being sexy, mature women in New York City. Glamor ensues.
"Lawrence of my labia!"
5. Crossroads (2002)
Portrayal of Women: Stupid
Britney Spears and two other young ladies graduate high school and go on a road trip to Los Angeles so that Britney can go audition to become a famous singer. How meta! They pick up some random dude along the way who they think might be a murderer, but it turns out he is not. Britney Spears falls in love with this drifter, teaching young girls everywhere that trusting handsome transients is a pretty good idea.
"They said I lost the baby. Lost it. Like it was my keys or something."
6. All About Steve (2009)
Portrayal of Women: Psychotic
Mary Horowitz gets set up on a blind date with a frosted-tipped Bradley Cooper. "Yuck City!" says the average red-blooded American woman, but not Mary. She is smitten. When this dude hits the road to work as a cameraman for a major news outlet, Mary tags along! She proceeds to follow Old Frosty Tips all over the country as he films breaking news stories before eventually falling into a mineshaft.
"I will eat you like a mountain lion."
7. Twilight (2008)
Portrayal of Women: Weak
A controlling vampire stalks his prey girlfriend until she falls in love with him. Bella's low self-esteem makes it easy for Edward to assert dominance as he isolates her from her family and defends her from more nefarious vampires. Bella is attracted to his violent nature. And who wouldn't be, with all that glittering undead fierceness?
"Death is peaceful - easy. Life is harder."
8. Kate and Leopold (2001)
Portrayal of Women: Codependent
A savvy career-driven woman living in 21st century New York City gets swept head over heels by a time traveling Duke from the 1870's. She gives up her family and career to follow him back into the past where she will be a kept woman. Mazel tov!
"People might think I'm brave, but I'm not."
9. The Little Mermaid (1989)
Portrayal of Women: Seen Not Heard
Ariel is a mermaid princess with a strict dad. As an act of rebellion, she falls in love with a human Prince and makes a deal with a sea witch to win this man's affections. The only catch is, she has to give up her voice in order to get legs. Because who needs all that yakkety-yak when you've got a pair of killer gams, am I right?
"It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man."
10. Anything based on a Nicholas Sparks novel
Portrayal of Women: Broken
Conventionally attractive boy meets conventionally attractive girl and they fall in luuurve. Lots of making out on beaches will take place, possibly followed by one of their imminent demises. Typically there is some sickly or troubled woman in need of saving by the male protagonist. These movies are a great resource for anyone wondering what it might be like to live inside of a Thomas Kinkade painting.
"You were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel."
- A Walk To Remember
"Then you came along, and helped me believe in myself again."
- Nights in Rodanthe
This article was published by Private Island Entertainment LLC.
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