True Love

That's right. I'm writing a blog about love. Take a moment now to absorb that, and get used to the idea.


More specifically, I want to talk about my idea of what true love is, or rather, the true form of love, as I think it was meant to be, and as I think we've forgotten, or perhaps never even truly grasped to begin with. 


First let me explain where I am in my life. I was married. Emphasis on was. Now, I'm not religious or anything, but I do believe in honor and loyalty and integrity, and divorce violates those beliefs. I believe marriage is the most sacred oath a person can make in their life, and that it's absolute. For better or worse, til death do us part. No exceptions. Thus, divorcing under absolutely ANY circumstances is breaking the most important promise you will ever make. 


Unfortunately, my ex was not quite so noble. In fact, she spread her legs for any guy who gave her a wink and a smile. Finally I got tired of waiting for her to grow up and honor her vows, and decided that I couldn't go on being miserable for the sake of my honor. I broke my promise, and I divorced her.


Like most people who go through that, I was disenchanted by the prospect of committed, romantic relationships for some time. I didn't want another girlfriend. But I still had my needs. So I returned to the night life of my youth, and had some fun. 


Well, over time it came to my attention that I had a number of lady friends who had apparently been crushing on me for years, but had never let on out of respect for my marriage. They all thought I was a great guy and that my ex was monumentally stupid for not holding on to me for dear life. Or, at the very least, they told me that to make me feel better, which it did. 


I could tell they were interested, but I still didn't care for a romantic relationship that committed me to just one girl. Nor could I have a one night stand with my friends, because you're not supposed to see one night stands again afterward unless you bump into each other again in another club or bar or whatever. I felt bad that they wanted to get closer to me, but I didn't want to be attached to anyone.


But, being the nice guy that I am, I didn't have the heart to push them away, and I let them get close. Inevitably it reached a point where I had to stop them, though, and tell them I didn't want to be in another committed relationship. Some of them respectfully backed off, but others became something I hadn't really expected or even considered before... that magical phenomenon people refer to as "friends with benefits". 


Suddenly I found myself with several close friends who were up for a friendly romp just about anytime, who knew about each other and didn't care (in some cases would even both come and play with me together). But I'm a very affectionate guy, I love to touch and kiss and hug and caress, and so over time we became more and more affectionate with one another, behaving very much the way lovers might. In fact, I would even go ahead and say we love each other. I certainly feel comfortable saying I love them, with all my heart. I would die for any one of them.


Yet it's still totally casual and fun. No strings, no pressure, no obligations, no drama. And it was then that I came to realize something. Call it an epiphany. This is the way, I think, that love is supposed to be. Open, free, casual, fun. There's no pain, no feelings of betrayal. As I dwelled upon this I came to several more realizations (I call them that, though I know they are still just opinions and some of you will disagree with them).


I wondered why everyone doesn't do this, and I could only think of one explanation... it's a social taboo. But why? Society has taught us all our lives that love and marriage are devoted, committed things, sacred things that are shared very privately with just one person. I've never questioned this. I don't think many people do. But I question it now: WHY. Why can we only genuinely love one person? I can tell you right now, I love several girls, and each of them very deeply. I've thought long and hard about this, and I can't find a damn thing wrong with it. What could possibly be bad about being in love with people?


It makes me wonder why I've never thought of this before. I'm very happy with my life right now, very much in love with all my kittens (yes, I call them my kittens, it's a cutesie pet name, shaddap). They all know one another and are friends. Some of them even love one another as much as they love me. This arrangement, it seems to me, is perfect. I don't see why society sees this as a problem, it's absolutely delightful and it makes us all very happy. 


People say love hurts, but that's not true. It's not love that hurts, it's the feeling of betrayal and wrongdoing when we break these rules and restrictions that society has placed upon love. They tell us we can only love one person, and so when our nature leads us to love more than one, our lovers feel hurt and betrayed, and we feel horrible for hurting them because we love them and according to society, we've betrayed that love.


I disagree. This has helped me cope, as well, with my ex and everything she did, though that hasn't changed my opinion of her because unlike me and my kittens, she and I had sworn an oath to be faithful and love no other, and my sense of honor is still greatly betrayed by the forsaking of such a solemn vow. But regardless, I believe now that human nature holds the capacity for much more love and compassion and affection than society tells us we're allowed to give outlet to. I believe what I have now is the true form of love, the way it's supposed to be. No rules or restrictions, no pain, no drama, no obligations or requirements. Just happiness and fun and pleasure. Nothing could be more natural. 


A note here about my kittens, to pre-empt the kinds of comments I've grown accustomed to people saying about them. They're all clean, intelligent, good girls. They do not go out and fuck every guy they see with reckless abandon. They are not sluts, nor are they loose or easy. They are all friends of mine who knew me and befriended me and trusted me before they decided to elevate the relationship to what it is now. They are simply in a place in their lives, like I am, where they have no desire for committment, but still want to feel that closeness and that affection and that passion, and yes, to get laid when they're horny. And in me they've found a clean, trusted friend who can give them that. It's that simple. 


That I call them my kittens is just a pet name, not unlike sweetheart or baby. And yes, it is meant as "sex-kitten", but they are by no stretch of the imagination my slaves or anything ridiculous like that. They have their own lives, and eventually they'll move on and perhaps find a guy they want to go steady with, and that's fine. Until then we'll just enjoy one another and make each other happy. 


Anyway, that's my take on love, and what society and political correctness, not to mention jealousy and distrust, have transformed the idea of love into. 

Uploaded 01/12/2010
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