Valuable Cab Lessons #1

Been busy lately.  Working a lot.  Also had girlfriend #3 move in with my kids and I a few months ago.  That's going well.  Have not only not been blogging, but I haven't even been reading you guy's shit.  Oh well, been living life.  

Been making good money driving a cab.  Better than I did as a teacher and I don't even have any papers to grade when I get home.  You can also learn some valuable life lessons as a cab driver.

As a newbie, I had to work some shitty shifts.  3 a.m. to 3 p.m. is pretty bad.  Where the fuck do you pick up at 3 a.m.?  Well... the gentleman's clubs.  There are no gentlemen there, they're just called that.  What's worse is they're all frustrated, drunk, belligerent, and out of money (due to giving it all away for lap dances).  I eventually started picking up at a gay bar called Piranha because the gay guys were more courteous and had more money (I think they just take turns doing table dances).  I became one of the preferred cab drivers.  As most of the drivers that pick up there were gay too, I became known as "Heteroguy".  Kind of like a superhero.


"Hey, look, it's Heteroguy.  I want to ride in his cab."

I never got hit on, it was just a novelty for them.

Before I learned about gay bars being a good place to pick up high tipping rides, I picked up at titty bars (gentlemen's clubs).  You wait in a line of cabs and the doorman calls you up to load your cab.  One night, at Treasures Gentlemen's Club, I learned a valuable lesson by proxy.


When it was my turn, the doorman yelled "Cab up!"  and I drove up to the front door.  A young guy (Junior) was being escorted to my cab by a bouncer.  He was being bounced for being a disruptive asshole and they wanted to load him in my cab.  My plan was to tell them to fuck themselves and get back in line.  But Junior saved me the trouble.

You see, he had taken the complimentary limo to the club.

He was expecting to take it back to his hotel.  As he was being bounced, that was no longer going to happen.  He explained to the bouncer that it was the club's responsibility to pay the cab fare back to the hotel.  The bouncer, in curt language, said he wasn't on board with that idea.

Here comes the valuable lesson:  If you're having a bad night, have your judgement impaired by alcohol, are frustrated, and have an urge to punch a bouncer in the nose... DON'T YOU DO IT!

Junior winds up and sucker punches the bouncer right in the nose.  The nose literally splashes all over the bouncer's face.  The bouncer drops like somebody has cut his strings.  For a moment, Junior stands over the fallen bouncer gloating.  The problem is the club has more than one bouncer.

Guys come flying out of windows at this punk like winged monkeys.  These guys know it's difficult to put a savage beating on somebody with more than three people at once as you'll just bump elbows and get in each other's way.  So, in an orderly fashion, they rotated through the ass kicking process so as the third guy drops out, a new guy is added to the rotation.  I sat from my cab and watched the horrible progression.  When I loaded the next guy in line to take him to Planet Hollywood, Junior was face down in a variety of his bodily fluids, zip ties on his arms, waiting for the police.

More to come...
Uploaded 03/20/2013
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