So friday night I was sitting around, about to watch Hellboy 2 while also watching porn when I got a phone call.  The person on the other end was someone that I have liked for a long time.  She wanted me to go crawl into bed with her, that is not a problem one bit.  So I hop in my car and give Ron Perlman the finger and take off.  I am heading over to her house, with my rubbers in my pocket.  I guess I was speeding because I got pulled over. 

The cop walked over to my car, took my license and insurance.  He then came back and told me to shut off the engine and step out of the car.  OH SHIT, I thougt.

I had a warrant out for my arrest.  In my mind I was thinking how all I had to do was to open her front door, walk up the stairs, and take off my clothes.  I WAS SO DAMN CLOSE!!!

The officer asked if I had anything that could stab him in my pockets.  I told him no.  He removed all my belongings and threw them on the trunk of my car.  He noticed the condoms.  He held them in front of my face and asked what was the deal with them.  I then proceeded to tell him about the girl I was now not going to be having intercourse with.  He asked for a picture, I told him to open my phone...she had sent me a semi-nude pic.  He unlocked my handcuffs, and told me to pay the ticket on monday...which I did this morning. 

Yes my friends I got laid.

~AW Smith