ABRA-KEBABRA
A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes
down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly
reappears on the taxi floor.

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached or dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia

BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual (male)

BEER COAT
The invisible, but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from.

BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BOILER SUIT
The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.

BONE OF CONTENTION
A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a
man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of solid drinking.
After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG
The female erection.

BUNNY-BOILER
An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in
the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. " I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler".

COCK-A-DOODLE-POO
The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the
morning to get to the toilet quick.

CRAPPUCCINO
The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.


DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing the double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common
to visit one before going out on the booze.

ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.

FLOGGING ON
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

FREE THE TADPOLES
Liberate the residents of the Wank Tanks.

FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHIT
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A McSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is called a "McShit With Lies".

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.


JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works
in a burger restaurant. The 'no stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

McSPLURRY
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the
outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go "Oo! Ool Oo!
Aa! Aa! Aa!".

MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc i.e. you can see the
'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.

NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming slang for "Stella" (the lager).

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.

PICASSO ARSE
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

RAGMAN'S COAT
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit, but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragmans coat!"

RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
To defecate e.g. "I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping
out to release a chocolate hostage".

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SKIN-CHIMNEY -
see BADLY PACKED KEBAB

SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT
A homosexual

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman


TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e.g Hooch, regularly consumed by young woman.

TEN-PINTER
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

TITANIC
A lady who goes down the first time out.

TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.

TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (one to cover
their head, and one to cover yours, just incase their bag falls off).

UP ON THE BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage, e.g.
"I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on the blocks".

VAGINA DECLINER
A homosexual (male)

WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming slang for 'Vomit'.

WANK SIANCE
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched
with disgust by your dead relatives.

WYNONA RYDER
Rhyming slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of Tart Fuel please Doreen".

X-PILES
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.