1. In Santa's lap.

2. At the gym, in a row of treadmills (nobody can run away!)

3. During takeoff of a lunar space mission (you're stuck with these guys for months).

4. In American Apparel pants (so tight, the fart will get stuck like a bubble).

5. At a job interview (when they ask for your strongest skills).

4a. At the Gyno.

5a. On your grandmother's face.

6. On your grandmother's grave.

7. In a canoe with a rusty bottom (it's likely to sink).

8. While having sex with your dream girl for the first time.

9. While having sex with your dream girl for the last time.

10. When your wife asks you if she looks fat in her wedding dress.

11. When you have to take a shit.

12. In a rented car (if it's wet, they may charge you, as long as you leave as much fart in the car as when you picked it up).

13. While bending over to shake hands with an angry midget.

14. In a hot tub just after the jets power down.

15. When you girlfriend demands to know why you love her, but you just can't stop the bubbling in your ass.

16. In an elevator with Jerry Seinfeld (because he'll write a "dirty" routine about it).

17. While meeting your biological parents for the first time.

18. When you're a baby and your parents ask each other, "What's he going to do when he grows up?"

19. In the ball pit at McDonald's.

20. In a coffin, at your own wake.

21. In the spinning anti-gravity box at the carnival.

22. In the face of child with cancer who is also allergic to farts.

23. At the altar.

24. On the cat.

25. In the dog.

26. On the rabbi.

27. On stage, while pretending to be dead.

28. In the MRI tube.

29. On live TV (the Real World is appropriate).

30. During a white power rally.

31. During your video personals ad.

32. On Scarlett Johansson.

33. In the lunch line in prison.

34. During a test at school.

35. During a ransom video when you're a terrorist's hostage.

36. On your kids

37. Under the covers with your significant other (Dutch Oven).

38. While leaning over someone at a computer in order to help her.

39. At church, while your nephew is baptised (possible splinters).

40. Just as you're being shoved into a jail cell and fall in the arms of an angry male prostitute.

41. In a crowded subway car.

42. When you're human statue on the street.

43. Into somebody's tuba.

44. Over the intercom at Walmart.

45. In the voting booth.

46. During a four-legged potato sack race.

47. Into a zip-top bag for later use as a self defense weapon.

48. During Yoga class.

49. When the stop you at customs for some questionable items, and you're Arab.

50. At Auschwitz.

51. In the car by a garbage dump so you can't roll down the windows.

52. In Chuck Norris' face.

53. There's never a bad place, or a bad time.