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Vocabulary, the Cornerstone of not sounding like a turd sandwich

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So I've finally figured out what I feel is the key to successful presentation in a business setting, or any setting in the realm of higher intelligence.  Vocabulary, followed closely by diction, and then spelling and grammar tie for third.  It has been proven, in my experience, repeatedly, that someone who has much less of an idea about what they're speaking of can appear highly intellectual from the way they present themselves orally.  If you have the ability to take a word, add a syllable or two and say it confidently and use it correctly, you can dazzle the likes of interviewers, bosses, and intern providers, alike.

Now we all know the difference between using vocabulary and going to Thesaurus.com and shoving words into a paper that you don't know the definition or proper usage of.  If a mastery of the English language, or not even mastery, a higher grasp of the provisions of the language can be acheived, even the dimmest of people can feign intelligence.  Say what you will about "nerds", but the guy who goes to sleep reading the dictionary and practicing his diction will beat you out in a job race 100% of the time, unless you're applying for a position at mcdonalds in which case he'll be automatically removed from the selection pool to remove the risk of empowering the employees.

Here's a few phrases you should try integrating into your speech before your next interview.

Instead of, hi how are you, try "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Instead of "man, that guy/girl/wife/girlfriend of mine won't stop nagging at me, try, "That person has been bothering me incessently since noon"

That guy was being a dick last night, "I've never seen such abhorrent behavior"

That was so kind of that person to do that "What an outstanding act of benevolence"

They both mean the same thing, but which one wouldn't you challenge to a brain fight, hm?

Simple word substitutions raise the validity and appearence of any sentence three fold.

Anyway, read a dictionary, don't sound like an infant when you speak, by doing this it's guaranteed that even when you yourself know that you're 100% wrong, even the most argumentative and well informed individual will think twice before questioning your opinions.

Just popped into my head, can't wait for all the people who disagree to try and use big words so they don't prove my point, and royally fuck it up, thereby proving my point even further.

MegaFail08 Uploaded 06/30/2008
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