Timmy’s Joyful Christmas

It was Christmas Eve, and Timmy was nuzzled under his blankets.  It was very cold outside, and there was at least two feet of snow on the ground.  Timmy was exhausted.  For the past two weeks Timmy and his father had been out in the snow and cold for Timmy’s artic survival training.  Timmy’s father had planned a three week expedition, but they both wanted to be home for Christmas, so the training was cut short.  They arrived home late that night, and they were both so exhausted, they went right to bed after cleaning their weapons and stowing their gear.

Timmy had been asleep for approximately two hours when he suddenly woke up and looked at his alarm clock.  It was 3:00 A.M., and as Timmy was about to drift off to sleep, he heard a commotion coming from downstairs.  Timmy reached under his pillow and grabbed his SIG 9mm, padded down the hallway and looked into his parents’ bedroom.  The bed was empty, so he crept to the top of the stairs at the end of the hallway and slowly started down the steps.  Timmy was about halfway down the stairs when he stopped and looked into the living room.  Timmy could not believe his eyes.  His father was tied to a chair, and he was wearing a blue bunny suit.  His mother was wearing a very short black leather mini skirt, a hot pink tank top and black stiletto heels.  She was lying on the couch and appeared to be unconscious.  Also in the room were Santa Claus and two of his elves.  Santa was wearing his traditional red and white suit, but the elves were wearing long black trench coats, and they were holding Uzi 9mm submachine guns.  Santa had his hand up Timmy’s mother’s skirt, and one of the elves was beating Timmy’s father with a set of brass knuckles.

One of the elves spotted Timmy and pointed his Uzi at him, but Timmy put two rounds into the elf’s forehead before he knew what hit him.  Timmy quickly shot the other elf through his neck, but before he could do anything else, Santa whipped out a sawed off shotgun and fired at Timmy.  Timmy dove back up stairs, but lucky for him, Santa missed.  Timmy was waiting for Santa at the top of the stairs when he heard Santa yell, “Guido! Mad Dog!”  “Get up there and get that little bastard!”  “I want you to bring me his head!”

“Holy shit.” Timmy muttered to himself.  “Guido is a professional hit man and Mad Dog is a former Navy SEAL now being hired out as a mercenary.  Timmy ran down the hallway back to his bedroom.  He activated a pressure plate that was just outside his bedroom door, and then he slid down and emergency escape chute that was inside his closet and led down to the basement.

When Timmy reached the basement, he heard a muffled explosion come from the top floor of the house.  “Good bye Guido and Mad Dog.  Merry fucking Christmas you assholes.”  Timmy entered the arsenal located in the basement and loaded up on weapons and ammunition.  He grabbed a Kevlar vest, a Colt Commando, extra magazines for his SIG and two fragmentation grenades.  Once he was better armed, Timmy quietly ascended the basement stairs up into the kitchen.  The kitchen was empty so Timmy checked the dining room and that empty as well.  After clearing the dining room, Timmy entered the living room, but Santa and his mother were gone.  There was a large hole in the ceiling from the explosion, and he found the bloody remains of Guido and Mad Dog spattered all over the living room and stair well.

Timmy ran over to his unconscious father and checked his pulse.  He was still alive, but he looked like hell.  Timmy’s father was out cold, but he would survive.  At that moment, the front door crashed inward.  Timmy leveled his weapon at the front door and was about to open fire, but at the last second he recognized the chubby outline of Billy-the-Bully and right behind Billy was his dad.

“Hey fatass, I just about blew your balls to hell and back.” Said Timmy

“That’s no way to thank your reinforcements.” Billy whined.

Billy’s dad smacked Billy across the back of his head.  “Quit being a little pussy or else I’ll shove a tampon up your ass!”

“Um, guys can we untie my dad and get him to a hospital?” Timmy asked.

 “Sure,” said Billy’s dad.  “What Happened?”  “We heard gunfire and an explosion, so me and Billy here came running over to help.”

“I’m not really sure,” said Timmy “But all I know is Santa beat the crap out of my dad and kidnapped my mom.”  “The explosion was a booby trap I set off to help take care of some of Santa’s friends here.”

“Well,” said Billy’s father, “Looks like we have to go after Santa and give him a little payback.”

“Right on dad,” said Billy.

Billy’s dad responded by punching Billy square in the face and laying him flat out on the floor.

The End

Ok this was for the four people who liked the last story.  More to come.