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BLONDE ONE-LINERS

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Did you hear about the blonde virgin who wasn't upset about losing her cherry?
She figured she could always get a new one, since she still had the box it came in.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
If you throw a load in a washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for 3 days.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read.

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."

What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.

What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A mobile sperm bank.

What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A brunette with bad breath.

Why can't a blondes water ski?
Because when they get wet between their legs, they end up on their back.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
'Cause everyone gets a turn.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles.

Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.

How are blondes and bowling balls alike?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they always come back for more.

What is the difference between blondes and hookers?
Blondes cost less per score.

What is the ugly blonde's mating call?
"I said, 'I'm so drunk!'"

What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ?
A blonde doing cartwheels.

What is the difference between a brunette and a blonde in love?
The brunette falls head over heels in love and the blonde falls with heels over head!

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Gets dressed and goes home.

How does a blonde prefer her eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Why don't blondes like to wear hoop earrings?
Because their feet keep getting caught.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

How do you give a blonde more headroom?
Adjust the steering wheel.

Why does a blonde wear panties?
To keep her ankles warm.

How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
Opens the car door.

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They are both screwed when they're on their back.

What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

How is a blonde like a hardware store?
Two cents a screw!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.

What do blondes and screen doors have in common ?
The harder you slam them, the looser they get.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
She's been laid all over the country.

How do you prevent a blonde from having sex?
Marry her.

How is a blonde like a vacuum?
They both suck.

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
In the morning, a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodle-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You can only fit two people in a Porsche.

Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

Why don't blondes like using a vibrator?
It chips their teeth.

Why did the blonde quit using birth control pills?
They kept falling out.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They screw in cars.

Why don't blonde women wear underwear when they cook?
To keep the flies off the food.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

BIC1559 Uploaded 07/23/2008
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