This past summer my soon to be ex-wife and I went to see Wall-E. During the movie a couple of things happened that got me to thinking that some people out there don't know the rules while watching a movie in a theater. Here they are:

Rule #1: Also known as The Golden Rule: SHUT THE FUCK UP. We all paid good money to see the movie. If you want to have a full blown conversation with the person you came with wait until after the movie. I firmly believe the Ninth Circle of Hell is reserved for these people.

             Rule #1a: Shouting things to the screen is unnaceptable also unless you are the director of the movie.

Rule #2: I know some movies are meant for kids and adults, but those adults that bring kids need to teach their children the rules. The only answer that is acceptable to the first inane bullshit question spewing out of little Tommy's mouth is "You need to be quiet. We are not at home. If you say anything else we are leaving." Yeah I know some of you out there are thinking "You should encourage a child who questions things." You are correct in most cases but a child who is encouraged to ask questions in a movie theater grows up to have full conversations in them (See Rule #1).

Rule #3: For the love of everything Holy. Turn your cell phones off BEFORE you get in the theater. Turning your cell phone off on the second ring is unacceptable. Answering it is inappropriate. Answering it "Yeah, I'm at a movie." should be grounds for justifiable homicide in all 50 states.

Rule #4: If getting drunk, high, stoned or messed up makes you say or do stupid shit outloud stay the fuck home. Stay in your parent's basement and finish off that bottle of cheap wine you stole from your parents liquor cabinet. Guess what? You don't need to get wasted to go to a midnight showing of The Dark Knight. The ONLY exceptions to this rule is if The Wall or The Wizard of Oz is being screened.