Happy New Year, Blah Blah Blah.....
So its New Years Eve 2008. I just learned that early this morning on 12/31/08, a lieutenant from my beloved department arrested the one and only Charles Barkley for DUI. Charles was arrested in Scottsdale during a DUI task force. I guess he wanted to get an early start on the New Years celebrations. Well that would be the big celebrity arrest for the year for my department; better late than never.
Its 9:00 AM and about one hour ago some distraught gentleman decided to end his life with a 9mm slug to the head. Im glad I didnt have to go on that call. The dude weighed about 400 pounds (not kidding) and it took two officers and a four man fire crew to turn him over just to check vitals. Had I bee there I would have had to help turn him over and I hate touching dead bodies. The medical examiners officer for Maricopa County has a tendency to send female officers into the field. I hope they brought a crane to that call.
Speaking of suicides; if your wife tries to overdose on Soma for three consecutive days, maybe you should hide it from her. Unless you dont want your wife around. Hmmm..
I realize it is New Years Eve and all, but please smoke your pot in your house or at least in your car. Dont sit in a park in broad daylight then act surprised when the police arrest you for possession. Give me a break. After being arrested for said possession do not start in on me about how marijuana should be legalized. I dont give a shit about the whether or not it should be legalized. You smoked it in broad daylight in the middle of a park with other people around, you deserved to get caught you half baked piece of shit moron!
If youre driving through the metro Phoenix area around midnight tonight and you dont see any cops on the road, do not panic. Not that anyone here would anyway, but most cops working New Years Eve are busy taking cover around midnight, because most of the Mexicans down here feel it is necessary to shoot their guns into the air to celebrate the New Year. Usually only two or three stray rounds come done on someones head, so youre relatively safe.
So, tonight when the New Year arrives, I will be snug in bed with my wife sleeping. Thank God. I have spent too many New Years Eves breaking up fights, getting attacked by belligerent drunks, having beer bottles, eggs and fireworks thrown at my squad car. Oh and I will not have to be dodging any falling bullets either.
Happy New Year.