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I AM A PERFECT HUMAN and other lies

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all my teeth are straight and i never need to go to the dentist.

i have perfect washboard abs. i am totally RIPPED.

all women want to fuck me on first sight. i never have to "spit game".

i have a luscious full head of hair, and it always lays perfectly.

i am an exelent singer, dancer, and can play any musical instrument.

i succeed at EVERYTHING i attempt. i have never failed.

i don't produce waste. my body is so in tune that i use everything that i eat.

my IQ is off the scale. i scored so high on the SAT that i immediatly got a masters degree in everything after the test.

i once punched a man so hard that his pregnant wife had a miscarrage and the kid came out with a black eye and broken jaw.

i dont worry about money. i have a large following of people who claim me as their god and pay me as such.

i am in the Guinness World Record Books as having the worlds largest penis. many of women have be hospitalized from my gigantic phalus.

i was approached by both the democratic and republican parties to represent them in the presidental race. i declined because after just one month in office everyone would want me to serve forever based appon the fact that i would have solved all of our problems by then. i dont wanna be a king.....yet.

i can fly.

the story of Jesus was based off of my life, but i dont die like a pussy at the end.

holy shit am i bored or what?

 

AWFULJACKASS Uploaded 01/02/2009
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