i woke this morning to the need to take a massive shit. i fart quite often while i am asleep according to my wife. "it smells like a garbage dump in a boys lockerroom that 27 hobos have thrown up in in our bedroom" is what she tells me. anyways, i'm pushing out the exit hole what i pushed in the entrance hole last night when she wakes up and looks at me. our bed is beside the entrance to the master bath. "you were talkin in your sleep last night" and she giggles. "really?"plop. "what did i say?" "you said 'this addiction is starting to get pretentious.' what the fuck does that mean?" really, what does that mean? i dont feel like i'm addicted to anything, let alone a pretentious addiction. let's break the sentence down and analyze it piece by piece to see if we can come up with an answer, shall we?

the merriam-webster dictionary definitions are as follows:

Addiction-1: the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading>2: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal ; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

Pretentious-1: characterized by pretension: as a: making usually unjustified or excessive claims (as of value or standing) pretentious fraud who assumes a love of culture that is alien to him Richard Watts> b: expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature <pretentious language> <pretentious houses> 2: making demands on one's skill, ability, or means : ambitious pretentious daring of the Green Mountain Boys in crossing the lake American Guide Series: Vermont>

ok so according to this i am using something that i know to be potentially harmful and  it is starting to make demands on my skill, ability or means. or it is becoming exaggerated in worth or importance. well..........i cant think of anything that would fit that criteria. wait. could it be this? could it be eBaums? am i addicted to a website? i have smoked weed, popped lots of pills, drink in excess whenever i can, and masturbate frequently to internet porn, but THIS is what i get addicted to? naaaaa, never happen. i'm just happy that i sound that much smarter than most of the jaggoffs on here in my sleep.

nothing else.bitch.