The Kittie Litter Accident
Last night, I survived horror, humiliation. The trash had to be taken out for this morning. So its about 10pm, Im in my jammies and I go to my balcony behind the apartment to get that huge fuckin bag of old kittie litter.
Now my first mistake goes back 3 weeks ago when i decided to put way too much litter in the box. There would have been only a tiny winy bit left and i didnt want to bother keeping it so, in the box it went!
You must know that I have 2 cats, so over time that makes a lot of pee and shit. Some people like to get on their knees, their face over that pile of shit and scoop out the turds every other day. Fuck that. Theres no way in hell im digging this fuckin sandbox that reeks amonia from the cats piss to find those brown jewels. Nah- huh!!! Ill just wait 10 days or so and just change the whole thing, covering my face in a tshirt.
If you have a cat and you are clever enough, you know its better to put a plastic bag on the bottom of the catbox. That way its easier and most importantly less gross to get rid of your pets business. I even put that bag in a quality garbage bag (not the home brand) to make double sure, you know!
So I took that 50 pound bag from the back balcony, through my apartment, to the front door. I live on the second floor and we have stairs outside. These stairs arent going straight down theyre curvy so its pretty tricky when you have 50 pounds of cat shit in one hand and 20 pounds of random garbage in the other. I awkwardly made my way down to the last step thinking I made it. I was so damn proud ...
Thats when a gigantic hole ripped on the bottom on the kittie litter bag pouring everyting on the last steps and on the sidewalk. I cursed for a minute but I didnt cry. I went back up and found my old shovel.
So its 10pm, here I am in my jammies, shovelling the sidewalk, in the dark when all the snow finished melting 10 days ago. I live in a big city (montreal) and even at 10pm lots of people walk down the street. It was so dark we could barely see whats on the ground. Lets just say I had quite an audience to stare at me thinking im just plain crazy.
The fucking handle breaks apart from the shovel. And theres still turds all over my front steps. Im afraid and digusted I have a mission and I will acomplish it so i put them back together with my bare hands thinking ill just wash them asap when i go back inside. I had to put the damn thing back together maybe 15 times before I was done. I was about to puke!
In my neighborhood, almost everyhousehold has a dog and nobody picks up after their gifts. I have to admit that last night I unfortunately contributed to this plague.