DISCLAIMER: I know this blog goes in many directions. Caffeine's a flaky bitch. But hey, no one's forcing you to read it...

I'm sitting on my enormous ass at work on a slow friday night sipping a Chevron brand cappuchino. Mmmm, can't get enough of that boiling french vanilla. But the teeth-clenching has caused a headache and the now-cold offee tastes like ass. Adding to my annoyance is my non-stop alerts from Norton advising me of an "infiltration" by what could possibly be "a password-stealing attack, a torjan-dropper, or something similar" (their words, not mine). I really don't care, I just wish you would stop informing me. You're interrupting everything I try to do online with your silly pop ups that come every 45 seconds. I wish I had a cheeseburger to keep me company right now.

What's funny about me calling my ass "enormous" is that I'm actually rather skinny. But everyone of my family members and friends like to tease me about my love of cheeseburgers. Take, for example, this conversation I just had with my boyfriend the other day...

Assclown:(From the other room) "Hey, get up and make the bed."

The cheeseburglar: "I can't, I'm busy doing what I do best."

Assclown: "Sitting on your fat, lazy ass?"

The Cheeseburglar: "No (with a mouth full of food), eating a chee-burger"

(Assclown leans out the doorway to look at me)

Assclown: "Oh, you're right. Eat up, fatty."

His teasing started when our relationship began 4 years ago. He enjoyed calling me fat and teaching his young padiwan to walk up behind me and say "Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle" and refer to me as "Jellobutt". I  admit, it was degraging at first to be insulted by a two year old, but eventually my spirit was broken and I just roll with it for the most part now. So when comments like "Your ass look like its wrapped in bubblewrap" and "haven't you ate enough?/you're eating again?" are thrown my direction, I just go with it unless it's one of those bipolar days where I wake up to my boyfriend saying "morning babe, how'd you sleep?" to which I reply "FUCK YOU!".

Well, it's about 3:45 nox standard time, which means it's cheesebuger o'clock, so I'll go spew some more of my caffeine-induced verbal diarrhea elsewhere. Kthnxbai!