The beach sounds like a wonderful place straight from a fairy tale. The sun is out it shines on the golden sound of the clear blue water crashing against the sea shells on the shore is a joyous, peaceful sound. That is what beach kind of are. Until you add in the x-factor: People.

People fucking ruin the beach. First off, you get the people who should have to be fully clothed at all times. Those people, are fat people. Fat people should not be allowed to go to the beach because besides taking up entire fields, they are also gruesome to look at. Yet, you find yourself so interested that you cant look away. Kind of like a burning building with people jumping out of it on fire. What your witnessing is terrible yet you cant look away. Fat half naked people have this effect on people. Im sure for some sick fucks, this is a turn on but for the normal human being, half naked fat people should be shot. Its ok to be fat, but it is not ok to be fat and at the beach in  a bathing suit. What if that fat fucks goes to far into the water and the 120 pound life guard has to go save them? What happens then? Do he have a magical underwater forklift hiding under the sand that hes going to drive into the ocean? I doubt it.

Next you have spanish people. Now this is not to be racist for i have a couple spanish friends and ive even been to the beach with them. Luckily my spanish friends are not classified into this category. Im talking about those spanish people who for starters dont believe in bathing suits. Now this is just a mere observation, this does not bother me when i go to the beach. But wtf spanish people? You come to the beach the same way you dress to go to the spanish parade or weddings. They are always wearing sneakers, some type of jeans and they look like they are going anywhere but the beach. But what bothers me is when they go into the water. Since their group can range from a minimum of 20 to a max of 300 people, they all go in the water at once. Every single one of them enters the water at the same time and they go insane. Like the never have been in water before. They toss their newborns into riptides and dive in. Old, young, it doesnt matter. They are going to get loud and move alot, going from field 1 to 5 and back to 5. They are something to see.

Third we have fat people. Oh shit, i mentioned these creatures already. Theyre so disturbing the image just sticks in your head.

Ok lastly we have single mothers with too many kids or 1 wild ADD kid they cant control. If its multiple kids, then you get the mother running around the beach the entire time looking for the kids while the are all running around. Half are drowning while the other half are with new families / child molesters/ megafail. But although that is worrisome to watch, nothing is worse then the ADD child. This kid. Oh this fucking kid. Besides being loud and doing non stop sprints for 5 hours up and down the beach, he does not give a shit. This kid simply is at the beach to be fucking annoying. Youll find him kicking sand on your shit, running over other kids sand castles like a fucking rapid raptor. Hell be in your cooler. Literally, inside your cooler at points of the day, Hell start up awkward conversations with you about weird shit. This kid, if he thinks he has found a friend in you, will not fucking leave you alone or stop annoying you. Itll get to the point where you will want to dig a 6 by 6 hole tell him to get in and then begin pushing the sand onto him. Suffocating this little bastard.

Well, if you subtract fat people, spanyards, and children with ADD, you get a good time at the beach. Unfortunately these people make up 75% of the beach. The other 25% are kind families, hot bitches, girls who think theyre hot bitches, guys who think they have muscles and guys who know they dont have muscles.