TOP TEN First Thoughts Upon Hearing About the Death of Michael J
10. Great. Now every douchebag's gonna dress up as Thriller for Halloween.
9. Wait - why did they put his own child on his corpse?
8. I won't believe it until they dangle his remains over a balcony.
7. Who gets the rights to the Beatles' songs? DIBBS!
6. Were the paramedics singing "Beat It" while they pounded on his chest?
5. I can't believe he showed up to the hospital in his pajama pants!
4. I guess "Weird Al" Yankovic was right - he ate it.
3. Jeez, you stay away from Pepsi for that long out of superstition, but ONE little sip....
2. D'AAAHHH!! I just got a visual: Post-formaldehyde!
And the number one First Thought Upon Hearing About the Death of Michael Jackson...........
1. Finally, all those little boys' assholes get a DIFFERENT kind of comeuppance!