Look, I'm sure this is really old news, but I really, really despise vampires, and people who think vampires are real. Don't forget people who think they're vampires; they really deserve a special place of hatred in my mind.

I'm sure you can guess where this is going: Fucking vampire books. Now, I'm sure everyone here already knows why Twilight sucks (vegetarian vampires?), so today, I'm going to talk to you about the other retarded vampire series: The Sookie Stackhouse books.

Now, if you've seen TrueBlood on HBO, you already know about it. Essentially, a mildly unnactractive girl who looks suspiciously like Rogue from X-men goes around being a waitress and what not, meeting vampires in her diner and taking turns boning them. And of course, we get to see her oddly mishapen and strangely attractive breasts.

Now, the show is pretty dumb, but I don't have to acknowledge its existance throughout the day, like I do when I walk through the book aisle at the retail store I work in.

Seriously, the woman who made the titles for these books must have some kind of mental retardation. Let me give you a few examples:

Dead Until Dark

Club Dead

Living Dead in Dallas

Definitely Dead

From Dead to Worse

Seriously, these are the actual titles. Anyone notice a theme here? Here, I've got an idea for the next title.

A Penny Saved is a Penny Dead.

Yea, I like that one.