paul eppinger and a void of belonging
Today I was touched by the story of Paul Eppinger, a young man who took his own life in resignation to the lack of integrity or purpose to the life of any career in modern civilization. This story didn't touch me because of the suicide or the nature of a young man of 29 taking his own life. it's tragic, but this happens often and I'm numb to that. what touched me was his reason. He was not, as I can approximate from his published journal, depressed or desperate in any way. there was nothing painful or difficult about his life. he was young, attractive, multi talented, and coming from a wealthy family. yet all he ever found joy in life doing was being with friends and playing his guitar, though not professionally. He drifted about the homes of friends and relatives never finding what he wanted in life. he loathed the lack of integrity in any career and he felt everything was utterly unfulfilled.This story touched me because I wasn't far off. as a young undergraduate I felt much the same about the integrity of the working world and the futility of any sort of pursuit. I summed it up best as I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. surprisingly no one was very shocked to hear this from me. everyone I told would nod and tell me it makes alot of sense. young and old alike, both very educated individuals down to the homeless outside my apartment understood my feelings that I didn't belong.I find alot of people seem to feel this way, so I ask you all out there if you feel the same void inside you, and if you do not then I ask how you find some meaning and joy in this life.for myself my joy is not in my career, which I am indifferent toward, but largely in the pursuit of information and the joy I derive from conflict. My personal relationships are also quite rewarding as well. So what are your own feelings?If you'd like to read the published journal and letters of paul eppinger the book is entitled 'restless mind, quiet thoughts.' and you can probably order it online from any bookstore. haven't seen it physically in any bookstore yet, but it can be ordered.