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LAST NIGHT LORD_INFAMOUS TRIED TO TAKE ME BACK

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SO I WAS SITTTING AT HOME ON MY BRAND NEW LA-Z-BOY FORKLIFT WATCHING TV WHILE TYAEDA LAID ALL CURLED UP AND COMFY ON TOP OF MY BELLY, WHEN  I HEAR CAR TIRES SQUEAL TO A STOP INFRONT OF MY HOUSE.  I LOOK OUTSIDE TO SEE LORD_INFAMOUS IN A HOT PINK PREIS. (APARENTLY HE BLEW UP ALL HIS LAMBORGHINIS, SO HIS FOLKS CUT OFF HIS RICH BOY ALLOWENCE)  HE LIFTS  THE CAR OVER HIS HEAD AND STARTS BLASTING THE SONG "HUMBLE AS FUCK" BY KANYE WEST FEAT. SOULJA BOY....ITS SORT OF OUR SONG

THATS WHEN I GOT PISSED.  NOBODY DUMPS LARD_INFAMOUS AND JUST WALTZES BACK INTO HIS LIFE!

I SLIDE TYAEDA OFF MY GUT AND TELL HER I GOTTA GO TAKE CARE OF THIS.  "NO!", SHE SHOUTS, "WE'RE TAKING CARE OF THIS TOGETHER!  I GOT A SCORE TO SETTLLE WITH THAT FUCKER TOO!"  AND WITH THAT, SHE HOPS IN THE DRIVER SEAT OF THE FORKLIFT AND WE PEEL RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR!   AS WE PEELED DOWN THE DRIVE WAY, I STUCK OUT MY ARM (WHICH TOOK ALL MY MIGHT)  AND TOOK OUT LORD'S LEGS OUT FROM UNDER HIM!  HE FELL TO THE GROUND, ONLY TO LOOK UP AND SEE HIS CAR LAND ON TOP OF HIM.  I THOUGHT WE WON THE FIGHT, WHEN I HEARD AN INFURIATED ROAR, KIND OF LIKE AN ALPHA LION WITH CONSTIPATION.  LORD_INFAMOUS JUMPS TO HIS FEET HOLDING THE CAR OVER HIS HEAD AGAIN, CRUMPLES IT UP LIKE A BALL OF PAPER, AND THROWS IT ASIDE.

"YOU'RE DEAD NOW FAT BOY!"  GROWLED THE ROID MONGER.  "RAISE ME!"  I SHOUTED TO TYAEDA  SHE INSTANTLY FLIPPED A SWITCH RAISING ME AS HIGH AS THE FORKLIFT COULD GO.  NOW THERE WAS NOTHING PROTECTING M'LADY FROM THIS BEAST...  HE PULLED OUT A GUN "YOU'RE THE HOME WRECKING SLUT WHO BROKE US UP!", HE PULLED BACK THE HAMMER, "AND WHEN YOU'RE DEAD HE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO COME BACK TO ME!  WELL, POSSIBLY HERKIMER HESS, BUT IF HE DOES, I'LL KILL THAT FUCKER TOO!!"  SUDDENLY A LOUD VOICE CAME BOOMING FROM ABOVE.  "BEHEMOTH BELLYFLOP!"  HE LOOKED UP TO SEE MY TITANIC GUT  ECLIPSING THE SKY AND FALLING TOWARD HIS HEAD.  I LANDED WITH A FURIOUS CRASH WHICH SHOOK THE EARTH.  I GOT UP TO SEE NOTHING BUT CRATER IN THE SHAPE OF MY STOMACH, A MASSIVE BLOOD STAIN AND A PAIR OF ASTRO BOY TIGHTY WHITIES.

WE SLOWLY ROLLED BACK INTO MY HOUSE THINKING IT WAS ALL OVER, WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MAKE OUR BLOOD RUN COLD.  MY FAT GUY SCOOTER TURNED ITSELF ON AND STARTED TO PLAY THE SONG HUMBLE AS FUCK!  THEN A FAMILIAR VOICE CAME FROM THE FAT GUY SCOOTER RADIO, "YOU THINK YOU CAN GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY YOU FAT FUCKER?"  MY FAT GUY SCOOTER SUDDENLY STARTED BENCH PRESSING 975LBS AND THEN LOOKED AS THOUGH IT WAS ABOUT TO CHARGE US...

TO BE CONTINUED....

lard_infamous Uploaded 10/13/2009
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