This is real fake interview I conducted with Gary Busey in a small restaurant in Van Nuys, CA over the summer.  I arrived at the restaurant 20 minutes early to do a little setup.  To my surprise Gary was already there.  He was sitting at a table drinking coffee and staring out the window.  He was wearing a bright, yellow Hawiian shirt.   I approached the table.

Me:  Hello Mr. Busey.  I'm sorry I kept you waiting.  I thought I told you we would get started at around two o'clock. 

Gary Busey:  Hey there Pickles!  No, you're fine.  I got here at nine...I like to be early.

Me:  Pickles? I wasn't sure why he called me Pickles, but he continued to do so through the entire interview.  

Gary Busey:  Yeah...I'm calling everybody Pickles. I have been having a hard time remembering names lately.

Me:  O...K...so you've been here for five hours?

Gary Busey:  Yeah I have Pickles.  This is a great place to hang out.  I already had lunch. You hungry?  Let me get the waitress... 

Me:  No I'm fine, thanks.  And you can call me Doug.  Are you ready to get started?

 Gary Busey:  Oh sure Pickles.  The waitress approached the table with an annoyed scowl.  Hey Sugar, let's get some more coffee out here and how about some fried clams to nibble on?

Waitress:  For the fourth time, we don't serve fried clams...I'll be back with the coffee.  She walked away and Gary laughs and does a cat call. 

Me:  So what have you been doing since Celebrity Rehab? 

Gary Busey:  Well I've been doing a ton of metal detecting down at the beaches.  I also go to a lot of AA and NA meetings and try and take over the group to offer my help as a recovering addict and re-born Christian.  They seem to really enjoy that.  I don't think a lot of the people take it seriously though..the groups keep getting smaller.

Me: Uh-huh.  I was actually talking about movies or television work?

Gary Busey:  Well, I auditioned for a role in the new Tarantino film.  They told me they'd let me know.  I never heard from them, so I assumed I got the part.  So I showed up on the first day of shooting, in character.

Me:  You showed up on the set of  Quentin Taratino's "Inglorious Bastards"?  The waitress comes back with the coffee.

Gary Busey:  Thanks sugar.  How the fried clams coming?  She completely ignores him and he just laughs.  No Bob Tarantino...the movie was "Hell's Psycho Ward".

Me:  Oh...so how did that go?

Gary Busey:  Well they told me I hadn't got the part and that I should leave.  I hung around anyway and gave bits of advice to the other actors and gave a few pointers to the director.  I think they all enjoyed my mentoring.  It's such a wonderful feeling to help people. 

Me:  So no other acting work to speak of?

Gary Busey:  Well I'll tell ya Pickles, I try and get out to open mic nights and do some one man shows.  Talk about my journey into deep seeded fear.  How I was able to sink into my own psyche and use ninja skills to get rid of all my demons.  I think it sells itself.

Me:  Right.  What kind of audience reaction do you get?

Gary Busey:  It's overwhelming.  In fact, it's too much for some folks.  If they see me in the club, they'll leave before I get started.  It's just too powerful for some people.  

Me:  I'm sure that's why they are leaving.  Gary detects my sarcasm and stares at me intently...I nearly shit myself.

Gary Busey:  Gary whispers manically. Pickles, I could reach across this table, rip out your endocrine system, and eat it with my fried clams.

Me:  I whisper back.  Gary they don't have fried clams here.

Gary Busey:  Gary moves his eyes slowly to the left and back to the right and cotinues whispering.  That's what I've heard too...  Gary then gets up, throws down a handful of Canadian nickels, and walks toward the door.   

Gary Busey:  I'll be seeing ya Pickles.

That concluded my real fake interview with Gary Busey.  It went much better than I expected.  

Dr Gorgeous