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Messages in my Ebaumsworm inbox Part I

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Hekko everyone.  I just thought I'd take the opportunity to share, with you all, some of the private messages Ive received in my inbox here on ebaumsworm over the past 6 months or so.  The purpose of this blog is to show you guys just the tip of the iceberg of what I have to deal with on pretty much a daily basis here at ebaumsworm.  Also, it has its own entertainment value as well, so... meh: 

 

So here it goes:

 

 

Message Set #1:  nietzche

I dunno what the hell is wrong with this guy.  He sends me random messages at random times.  Actually, I think I just figured it out.  Notice how each message is sent pretty much at the same PERIOD in each month?  Yeah, that right... I capitalized "Period" for a reason.  Now I think I realize why nietzsche wiggs out on me on a monthly basis.  Nietsche, Im looking forward to your angry private message on November 25th :)

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From:

nietzsche

Sent:

August 25, 2009 08:30 pm

Subject:

?????

Message:

stop posting this shit, fucking retard, really you are a fucktard, i hope u die

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From:

nietzsche

Sent:

September 28, 2009 06:11 am

Subject:

wtf

Message:

you are an fucking idiot

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From:

nietzsche

Sent:

October 25, 2009 07:16 am

Subject:

wtf

Message:

you better get your sorry ass normal ASAP or ill be posting your crap onto 4chan, we will get your IP etc and ID you, would you like to be publicly shamed

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Message Set #2:  volcomelement34 This guy loves my blogs SOOOO much that he just keeps begging me time and time again to write a masterpiece about him.  Pshh...

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From:

volcomelement34

Sent:

May 14, 2009 09:45 am

Subject:

Write.

Message:

Hey man write a blog about me too!

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From:

volcomelement34

Sent:

October 31, 2009 12:25 am

Subject:

Write.

Message:

Write a blog about me.

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From:

volcomelement34

Sent:

October 31, 2009 08:04 pm

Subject:

Write it.

Message:

Write a blog about me.

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Message Set #3:  Dildozer Ehhh.. we're cool :)  I really enjoy talking to him on meebo.  Glad I added him as a friend!

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From:

Dildozer

Sent:

November 02, 2009 01:46 am

Subject:

yo

Message:

yo bro,I had to block you... sorry but you're an annoying piece of shit. eat fuck,dildozer

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From:

Dildozer

Sent:

November 02, 2009 01:58 am

Subject:

RE: yo

Message:

just kidding mr poopy pants

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From:

Dildozer

Sent:

November 02, 2009 02:13 am

Subject:

RE: yo

Message:

you're a shitty friend :)

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Message Set #4:  The Big Bad I had a lot of people asking me exactly WHY I chose him as my favorite person on ebaumsworm when I wrote my One Year Anniversary blog on here.  This messages should make it quite apparent.  Hes a nice guy and all, but I just love how he absolutely thinks hes got me all figured out, and that he's in the know on everything there is to know about me.  <3 ya Big Bad :)

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From:

the_big_bad

Sent:

August 24, 2009 02:22 am

Subject:

I think I've got it!!

Message:

Hey Poop-De-Doopity!Something about your blogs caught my attention. It wasn't the content this time, but rather an interesting little piece of slang used frequently."Hekko"...I assume it means 'hello' or something. This is also the screen name of another user; my assumption is it's you. (As well as that russiaguy business and possibly a few others.) Hekko writes interesting things, thus my assumption is you can be intersting...if you try hard enough, that is.There's not a snowball's chance in Arizona (I visited there once...it's actually worse then hell, so I changed the phrase a bit) that you're nearly as stupid as we all think. I'm certain you're a somewhat average thinking, if not wildly childish, person. Congratulations; you're not a complete retard. I know the "fun and excitement" of the internet tends to make people break-out of their shells a bit and do and say shit they wouldn't have the balls to say to real people. But....and here's the point of my writing....why bother? Why bother coming across as an asshole, pissing people off and ruining the fun for people who generally do enjoy writing and reading? I know nobody is forced to click on your stuff, but its hard to pass through without being common-sense raped by the crap you think is funny.You are childish and immature. I'm sure others in your real life have accused you of this too. Odds are, you've kinda realized it yourself. Not looked upon fondly by peers? The only friends you have are...how to put this nicely?...."socially retarded"? Spend a lot of time online gaming? I'd imagine one, if not all, describe your life off the 'net. You are a classic loser. But...good news! You don't have to be. It's quite simple to reverse. Wanna know how????Answer: Grow the fuck up. Stop doing childish things. Stop writing childish entries to "fuck" with people. Nobody gives you a second thought after they've clicked off your stuff because its unimportant. A decently written piece will make people remember your writing. Try writing something interesting or note-worthy. Its a lost cause using this poopenheimer account, but start fresh with the Hekko or another one. We'd be none the wiser, and you might just feel more your age than you do right now. Give being an adult a chance; it's not so bad.Just an idea....-The Big Bad

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From:

the_big_bad

Sent:

August 24, 2009 05:36 pm

Subject:

Out With A Bang...

Message:

Hekko!That last blog was probably the classiest way I've ever seen someone give everybody the ol' bird all at once....congrats! Truly and honestly, that was a hell of a way to go out.My detective skills aside (a puzzle for you to figure out one day too?) I know of the other accounts you hold. Rest assured, they will remain with me and me only. Why bust-up a perfectly good public upsetting all at once, right? I'm glad you'll continue to visit the blogs as YOUR TRUE SELF...not the childish, Borat-ish inspired character(s) you've created. Tell ya what: I'll even be your pal on the real accounts.....even if I don't know its you, in one case or another I'm sure. Don't bother responding to this...it won't make it past the block list...but do know that your final act as Poopiepoopenheiner was a classic one. Well done sir.-TBB

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From:

the_big_bad

Sent:

August 24, 2009 05:40 pm

Subject:

One last thing...

Message:

I think the last piece of the puzzle just clicked in:You're an admin, aren't you?Sneaky l'il devil......ya got us all.-TBB

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From:

the_big_bad

Sent:

October 12, 2009 02:44 am

Subject:

Welcome back?

Message:

Hekko!I figured the temptation was to grand to pass up. You didn't miss anything in the blogs anyway. (As I'm sure you already know...) Boring boring boring!It pains me to say this, but a little public piss-off might get the excitement up 'round there. I look forward to seeing what everyone's literary breaking-point is. I noticed a lot of my old comments were removed from the shit-list....no doubt that I've figured out you're a mod by now. No harm done....funny is still funny. (And the majority of it was just that. People really took ire with you over virtually nothing!)Let the fun begin! (...and welcome back, poop-dee-doop; it's been 'shit' without ya.)-TBB

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So, there you have it.  The first installment of "Messages in my Ebaumsworm Inbox."  In a couple days, Ill be sure to pick a few more message sets at let you guys see whats what :P  Really, I have some fantastic gems in here that Im sure you guys are just itching to read.  So until next we meet, adios fellow poopers! --iLIKEtoSAYpoop

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