Driving While Stoned
I've learned something. i am a SHITTY driver when I'm stoned. Let me wind a yarn for ya'll.
So, I hadn't smoked since 4/20. I'm a casual smoker meaning I smoke every week or two. Doesn't take an incredible amount for me to get high but I'm not a "hit it and quit it" kinda guy either. Well...I smoked way too much of way too good shit. This combined with me being fat and awake was very bad.
Let me give you some backstory. This is my first week back from college. i was up till literally four AM every day. So my sleeping schedule IS FUCKED. It was 1AM when my buddy and I got stoned so I was wide awake. i live on the edge of PA and Jersey. This is an important thing for two reasons.
A.I was high and henceforth...i wanted white castle.
B. There are no white castles in PA...but there are in jersey.
So it looked like we were headed to fuckin white castle. I drive like I'm wasted when High apparently...we got to White Castle fine. And those little fuckers tasted like victory mixed with death...the best combination ever. I had five burgers and they took me twenty minutes to eat...they were magical.
So on the way back I see a cop. And in my head I go fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. and that aforementioned fuck string was correctly stated. His sirens blare and he's on my ass. I freak. We pulled over and luckily I was prepared for this. My bowl and weed were in the glovebox and my registration was in the center console. Already had it in hand when the cop showed up. He came up and told me that I had been edging into the other lane for a few miles (evidently he was following me).
It was four AM by this time and I had the perfect explanation! i saw the light! I felt it's warmth bath me and I heard a whisper of "yoru in the clear"...of course I was fucking WRECKED so that was my imagination. Truth be told I sat there for ten seconds staring into space as all this unfolded in my mind. i swear the cop probably thought my brain shut down. But I had my answer. "I'm sorry officer, I'm tired" that was my security blanket of an answer. It may be simple but think....4AM. I had slightly red eyes and I wasn't all over the place like I was drunk. So I had a good excuse. but Wait! The cop wasn't done.
So where are you coming from? "Oh we came from white castle" And in my head sirens blared. OH SHIT! You dumb fuck! What in the fucking fuck of all fucking shit! (yes thats what i said in my head...dont forget, godlyone=stoned). You idiot! You just gave the absolute worst answer and the biggest warning sign besides :oh we just got back from our dealers house after smoking a whole mess of weed officer!".
So the cop looked at me. he just fucking looked at me. Then he flashed his incredibly bright light in my eyes. "So your telling me you drove from PA...to the middle of New Jersey...for White Castle"
Fortunately my friend is god when talking to cops, he took over for me. "Yes officer, we just got back from college and wanted some white castle...we know it's late and we're paying the price headed back now"
The cop looked at his eyes and burst out laughing. i glanced at him...RED AS THE DEVILS DICK!
The cop looked at his partner behind him and they both were bent over laughing. They knew. They fuckin knew that we were high off our asses. The cop took one more look at us and said ok guys, you two get home safe.
Anticlimactic ending for you sadistic fucks...but I gotta say that I LOVE COPS!
yeah. A stoner just said that.
thegodlyone has spoken