My mother and I have never gotten along... ever. We never see eye to eye, and we often have hard times respecting each other mostly because of the past. Although we are pretty civil now, she will tell anyone that while I was living with her, I made her life a living hell.... I can say the same about her.
Today I called her to see what her and the rest of my family were up to this week, and somehow the conversation turned pretty sour. We made the mistake of talking about our past together, and why things turned out to be so shitty. My mother has a very hard time dealing or even acknowledging serious issues that are a little too big for her to handle on her own.
Growing up I had severe clinical depression that I went out on my own to diagnose. I first went to my family doctor who referred me to a psychologist who diagnosed me with clinical depression. After I told my parents the problem, they stopped taking me to the "biased quack" and did nothing after that to help me. They didn't believe me when I said I was depressed, and accused me of faking it, and just being miserable for no reason.
Ever since my sister was 3, she's had a serious eating disorder that she still has to this day. She's 18 now, and seems to be pretty comfortable with it. Ever since she was 3, all she would eat for lunch and dinner was french fries, and for breakfast a few saltine crackers. Earlier my parents would try and force her to try new food, but it would usually end up in my sister turning into a psychopath snap case. I remember this one time... I was five... but it was so vivid. My parents tried to force feed my sister a piece of chicken... she screamed so loud, and became so violent (she was 2) the neighbors called the cops thinking someone broke in and was murdering my family. One time when I was little, I teased her about her habits and chased her around the house with a hamburger.... she ended up stabbing me with a pair of scissors. Another time she picked my chair up, while I was sitting in it, dumped me off it, and threw it at me... if you saw the size of my sister, you wouldn't believe it to be possible. We still have no idea what's wrong with her.... my parents say that she'll grow out of it one day.. but I know very well that there is something going on in her brain that isn't right, and needs to be fixed. She tells people she's a proud vegetarian.. so I really don't see her changing any time soon. The only time my parents ever sought professional help for her was when she had to be admitted to the hospital after not eating for 3 days. She said at the time that her french fries tasted weird, and was convinced my parents were doing something to them. She refused to eat, and her blood sugar dropped. The doctor thought she was diabetic until my parents fessed up and told them what was going on. She went to 3 dietitian visits who put her on chocolate protein shakes, and my parents pulled her out of them because "they didn't see enough progress". They still believe she'll grow out of it... but they've been saying that for the better part of the past decade, and they still don't even know what's exactly wrong with her.
My little brother is huge! He's spent most of his life on the computer and game consoles, playing video games. He's so inactive I'm not even sure he knows how to ride a bike. My mom simply tells me not to talk bad things about him, and then goes on to talk about how fat all of his friends are... she thinks it's a part of changing times... because when I was a kid there was one fat kid that everyone made fun of... and now there's lots.... but the thing is... when I was a kid PC's were next to useless for entertainment, and the newest gaming system was NES. Everytime I visit there, he's on the computer... when he goes camping with us he simply sits around, and plays his game boy.
Now, my mom has to go and get surgeries done... but she refuses because she has to quit smoking to get them. She tells me it's because the doctor told her that they've had great success in the US with these surgeries, and that's what they told her before the surgery that fucked up her back and feet. I told her, if there's a good chance that she will be cured of the non-cancerous tumors infecting her body, and that the pain will most likely stop, than it should be worth it to her. She refuses.
All these things that my parents, especially my mother, choose to ignore, and just hope will pass with time really makes me think that my mother was pretty neglectful. Sure she took care of the house, but she never took care of the serious problems.... or even referred to them as real problems. My mother is just about as stubborn as I am... so I don't know how to try and make her see that even though we aren't so young anymore, that we still need her help and guidance through these life altering issues.. and that ignorance will not make these things go away. I wish I knew why she has avoided all of this for so long, and why she keeps coming up with excuses and bullshit reasons to all of these problems. Soon my mom will be old... her health is already deteriorating, and I just wish she wouldn't be so ignorant and took care of things properly. I would hate to see her, my sister, or my brother get much worse without confronting the issues before it's far too late. My sister is now anemic, my brother has respiratory issues, and my mom's after refusing 3 surgeries in the past 5 years. My depression comes and goes.. but I'm not as nearly concerned about it, than I am for the rest of my family.
Any insight? I don't want to make her feel like an idiot, or neglectful cause that would be counter productive... she's always resented me, and disagreed with everything I've ever suggested so I don't know what to do.