God help you...
...if you get in my way today.
Motherfucker on Main that cut me off this morning? The only reason you're still breathing is your daughter was in the back seat....thank her for your life tonight!
The fucking asshole who lives above me? If you bitch about me smoking on my back porch that I pay rent for one more time I will come up there and throw your scrawny ass off your balcony then make sure your bar-b-q lands on your fucking head, I will then drag you to the street and curb-stomp your dumb ass!
My roomie? If you hit on me one more fucking time I will take naked pics of you in your sleep (if I can stomach it) and post them on every fucking website known to man! With your e-mail address! Then you can have fun fending off the pervs! I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's dick!
My ex? FUCK YOU!!!
My employer? If you lay me off I swear to whatever you consider holy that I will sink every motherfucking ship in the Puget Sound. Then I will set fire to every motherfucking building you own and walk through the inlet with with 2 mini gatling guns and 10 bajillion rounds of armor piercing explosive ammunition. When I'm done there won't even be teeth left to identify the bodies! Fucking selfish, greedy, cock-holstering pussies!
Travis? You promised to be my friend and I yours. WTF??? You bailed bitch! How very very CHRISTIAN of you. FUCK YOU...GO TO HELL! And I'll meet your punk ass there!