Puketastic Hurlific Barforama
Before you go any further please read my previous blog, that may help you to help me.
Now that you have that information let me add more grossness to that folder in your brain that stores shit you don't want it to in a file labeled...'Stuff I wish I didn't know!' (SIWIDK file.)
I'm not doing this to be a dick this time. I'm doing this because, honestly, I'm confused. I can't understand why or how my roomie can get laid any time she wants and I haven't been laid in four years.
I know that you immediately think that I must be so fucking ugly that people vomit uncontrolably when in my presence. Well that's not the case. In fact when you compare the two of us it's quite the opposite. I am not a 10 I am probably a 6 1/2. My roomie though is Webster's definition of an absolute '0'! I don't base this number on her looks alone I base it on the whole package. I am now opening your SIWIDK file, prepare to download. :)
My roomie is 42 years old, 5'8" tall and weighs about 280lbs. She rarely showers, rarely brushes her teeth and often wears the same clothes for as long as four days at a time. She never wears a bra and her tits rest on her rather large belly(you know, the kind that hang off to the sides). She has half of a mustache and the acne around her mouth and on her chin and forehead is just plain gross. She wears more jewelry than Mr. T and squeezes her fat ass into jeans that aren't meant to handle that kind of stress. From what I can tell she can barely read and has the IQ of a poached egg. She can't speak a single sentence without butchering at least one word. She can't balance her checkbook, has no table manners, never has anything nice to say and constantly hits on me...UGH!!!.........download to SIWIDK file complete.
How and why is it even possible that she can get laid at all and I can't even get a girl to say "Hi" to me?