The Good News
Not everyone can be an asshole. Which is good for me and maybe you, should you have what it takes. The world needs nice guys to balance out this delicate ecosystem; we need nice guys to fill the role of the guy that gets stepped on by the us on our way to the top. Think you cant handle being an asshole?
Dont worry there is nothing to be ashamed of. Its ok its, not for everyone. Enjoy your mediocre life of being in bed by ten and finally starting the twilight fan page. Send me the URL when its live. Do you have my e-mail? No? Good.
For those of you who think you have what it takes, time to do some soul searching; Do you have what it takes? Here are some of the things youll need to consider.
Can you forget everything youve been taught? Its time for you to change the way you approach every situation from here on out. You have to look at yourself and ask? Am I ready to be the best asshole I can be?
Most importantly do you have the ability to tell anyone No? No is the greatest word in the assholes vocabulary, if not in the English language. Master the finesse of saying no and a whole new world will open up to you. I dont mean no to everything, just the stuff you hate doing. Its hard to say no, especially to family and friends, so its going to take practice. Start small with telemarketers and retail sales people: No I dont want a cologne sample, I Sweat awesome. Just say no. Just get the crap out of your life.
Do you have confidence? Some are born with enough; others need to build it over time with practice. Its not easy to master confidence; once you have built your confidence you must maintain it with practice because even the most confident asshole has their confidence shaken or questioned at some point. No matter what happens though never let it put a chink in your armor.
Douche Bag behaviors you should never be found guilty of: Bragging about your bank account, your clever quips on Twitter, your fantasy anything team, how much you can bench, your bowel movements. Remember; no one like a douche bag, not even their mom.
Are you ready?