My last blog I wrote about how I've become jaded and cynical. After writing the blog I went to a family counseling session that I go to on my son's insurance. I'll get into why some other time. I mentioned to her that I needed to talk to someone individually and she tried to figure out if she could see me for a session by myself as part of the family counseling for insurance purposes.

I still might but I think I found some answers online. That's the benefit of having a large vocabulary and being able to find stuff online. You don't always need to go to a professional when you know the right jargon to find the information yourself.

Anyway, basically what I found out about cynicism depended on the source of the information and the cause of the cynicism. If the cynicism is a result of some irrational fear then there's a root problem that needs to be addressed such as fear of rejection. Otherwise, the cynicism might just be the result of honest life experience, in which case it should not be ignored.

As for the source of the information, religious people who have written about cynicism simply say it's not a godly thing because it's negative, blah, blah, blah, and we should work toward perfecting ourselves and have faith that somebody is looking out for us. I tried that for a long time. It didn't pay off and, as a result, I'm drained of a lot of enthusiasm I once had.

The other source was from people who have learned to live with cynicism. That's what I was looking for. The main message was focus on what makes you happy. If you're cynical about relationships, don't dwell on them so much. My problem was that I am cynical mostly about corporate America and relationships. In all of my experiences I can't find a single instance where it didn't seem like the "good" times (more like mediocre) were a huge setup for the bad times or where the work I put in to try to keep it all together actually payed off. I'm burned out on life in general. I'm not willing to make the same mistakes I've made in the past, giving all I had to give and not getting some kind of reciprocity. I'm 32-years-old. I need for the things I invest in to start paying off.

Anyway, it's nice to be able to figure out stuff on your own.