No answers in forums.
This is just a quick rant about people who reply to posts on forums saying they have a similar question but they don't have an answer. Gah! I fucking hate that. I love that usually I can google something that, without the internet, I'd be shit out of luck to figure out, stuff like how come the same fucking headlight keeps burning out on my car, how to use the present value function in excel, and why the cat keeps rolling his eyes and passing out for 2 minutes at a time.
Don't these people realize that, when I have a pressing problem, I need to deal with that problem and not read all damn day about their situation, which is exactly the same shit I wanted to figure out.
This is what it would sound like if it was a real conversation.
"The other night, I was taking a shower and realized that my left testicle was huge. At first I thought it was awesome, and then it was less awesome. What could make this happen, bro?"
"My left nut swole to huge proportions too, bro. I was like, 'fuck yeah!' but then I was like, 'Uh oh.'
"Dude, I was sitting over there and I overheard your conversation. I too have a swollen left nut."
"My uncle once showed me his swollen left nut. What's with all the swollen nuts?"
"I found that my left nut was swollen and I thought it was a spiritual thing. Kind of like how some asian ghost stories have somebody getting a hunched over back because they are haunted. So I went to Books-a-million to see if they had any books on casting spells. I showed my swollen appendage to the girl working at the coffee shop and she called the manager over to see if he could take a look at it. Appearantly, he's been studying the anatomy books in his spare time. He couldn't figure it out so he led me to some Bibles. I bought one and read the entire thing but didn't find anything in there about swollen testicles. Great book, by the way. It had lots of twists and turns, murder, deception, hate. I don't even know what's real anymore. Maybe my thoughts are somehow attracting swollen testicles. What do you guys think?"
At this point I start bouncing one of their heads off the table with insane eyes and shouting, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" over and over and over.