During the last year's luxurious boat trip to Himalayas, I've learned that red pandas, or shining cats, how they are called, are not only cute - they are as smart as a dolphin or a human welder. Filene liked to pet them while singing her favorite song. You know what happened? What, they learned to sing the tune? Are you retarded? What happened was we reached the Himalayas and stoppped giving a shit about the pandas. They just scattered somewhere.



Not many know that red pandas are an endangered species. There's only around 10 000 mature individuals. That's because they're so smart, they learned how to use condoms.



Red pandas are much alike cats - they even clean their fur with their tongue. They are also great in climbing trees and stuff.  Shining cats love to fuck shit up. Often mistaken for coons, but red pandas neither steal nor listen to rap music.

I bet you'd like to adopt one, wouldn't you? It's 680$ on the black market.