It's a Wonderful Life
lard_infamous
Published
07/29/2011
The day after my little chicken wing left, I felt as empty as the stack of pizza boxes beside my bed. I Slowly rode down the streets thinking of Tyaeda. Everything I looked at reminded me of her: The Wendy's drive thru, the Dairy Queen drive thru, the Pizza Hut drive thru, the McDonalds drive thru, the--well, you get the picture. As I approached a bridge, I knew what I had to do. If I couldn't have Ty in my life, then I didn't want to live at all.
I parked my scooter, got up, and was about to jump. Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me say "Goddam, this bridge can hold a LOT!" which pissed me off, cause you don't make fat jokes about this guy! I turned around and threw my fist at him, but somehow, my fist went right through him as if he were a ghost. "Swing and a miss." he said with a laugh. "Why the fuck are you bothering me?" I murmured to him. "My name is Frogbob, and I am your guardian angel", he said "Tell me, what is one thing you want more than anything else in the world?" I thought for a moment. Perhaps Tyaeda would have been better off never meeting me. "I wish I was never born." I replied. "Are you sure? This is your ONE wish." "I know that fuckface!", I shouted "I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING BORN!!!!"
"Tell ya what", said Frogbob, "How about I show you what the world would be like if you were never born." With that, he pulled my finger which cause me to fart so loud, it opened a portal into another world. "Well, it's time to see a world without Lard_Infamous." said my guardian angel. as we walked out the other side of the portal born of my ass, it seemed we were right back where we started.......but there was no traffic.....no people.......nothing at all!
To Be Continued....
I parked my scooter, got up, and was about to jump. Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me say "Goddam, this bridge can hold a LOT!" which pissed me off, cause you don't make fat jokes about this guy! I turned around and threw my fist at him, but somehow, my fist went right through him as if he were a ghost. "Swing and a miss." he said with a laugh. "Why the fuck are you bothering me?" I murmured to him. "My name is Frogbob, and I am your guardian angel", he said "Tell me, what is one thing you want more than anything else in the world?" I thought for a moment. Perhaps Tyaeda would have been better off never meeting me. "I wish I was never born." I replied. "Are you sure? This is your ONE wish." "I know that fuckface!", I shouted "I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING BORN!!!!"
"Tell ya what", said Frogbob, "How about I show you what the world would be like if you were never born." With that, he pulled my finger which cause me to fart so loud, it opened a portal into another world. "Well, it's time to see a world without Lard_Infamous." said my guardian angel. as we walked out the other side of the portal born of my ass, it seemed we were right back where we started.......but there was no traffic.....no people.......nothing at all!
To Be Continued....
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