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My Hackintosh

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This is a bit I wrote for a slam poetry contest while I was attending school at RIT (Rochester Institute of Technology).  Yeah it's totally nerdy, but that's what you get when you're at a school of mostly engineers.

Dear Macintosh, this ain't just a Hackintosh, this is my smackin' shit toss, my smack a bitch boss.

I'll show those App bitches what a real computa be, bustin' out coding like wizards of 3,

D Realms and other corporations, they ain't got nothin' on me but the the lack of serial registration.


My Hackintosh is the shit, makin' itunes legit, rollin out the best dub beats bit afta bit.

There be nothing' this computa cant do, from rockin' word in windows to fuckin' Ubuntu.

I know the ram lacks but so do the tracks which make up windows media playa, ya hatea,

Just hop in a cab and I'll see ya latea.

I see no reason to be all up in this shit, I have a new concept, so just roll with it.


So I bring to da table a new business idea, Jobs are you listenin'? if not get back and stand clear.

My proposition, Gates be hittin' on mad bitches in the conference room,

Ba-da-boom, go to the third drawer and grab yourself a spoon,

So you fellas can eat this shit up, no need to be feelin' corrupt,

I just tell you whats up, give me the thumbs up, not thumbs down, you old C++ clown,

I be bringing the Java specs, line afta line of text,

Bustin' out and ridin' my Hackintosh to town.


My Hackintosh ain't no Mott's applesauce,

It's like God did shrooms and while feelin' the rush,

Built a system that's perfect, runs all OS's

Not gettin' tied up with addresses; from your girlfriends parent's house

I get the number one Klout; score, from your neighbor next door

Who dresses up like a whore, and goes into the Walmart looking for Win 94

But they don't sell it, never made it, so go home and say "Honey I faked it"

Well baby I taped it, and Snaped it, like a Harry Potter geek,

And took to the streets with my computa in hand to take down both bootcamps in the grand OS land.

Windows has the upper hand when it comes to function, but once a trojan has entered the junction, you can be promised Malfunction;

And if a trojan gets up in the grills, this shit makes apple thrilled,

So I ask myself, why not get best of both worlds?


Best of both worlds? How bout all three?

I told you before grubs bow down for me, stand aside for me

They drive me through the city in a Town and Country.

No need for ecstasy, the drug that is, I get mad heights when overclockin' shit.

What's wrong with it? Lemme take a peek, this ain't no hide and seek.

I am the hacker's guru, the ballerina's tutu,

I get mad bitches while playin' kazoo;

On your PC's output line, wait, what did I forget to do?

Run maintenance check, goddamn, what the heck?

It's cuz you're runnin' windows alone that's the prob,

But with my Hackintosh, boy, you'll never get robbed.


My room, ya know it's HD ready

My flix, on a TB external just makes me sweaty,

With surround sound around, you know what's good

I've got the best Hackintosh setup in the suburban hood.

With my DVI, DVR, and 1080p tele

I've got my mini fridge packed to fill up my belly

It's stacked up, been hacked up, built to my stands'

There be nothing' the Po-po can take or reprimand.


Inexcusable, irrefutable evidence can be used to prove me wrong,

But there's no justification, just a ticking time bomb-

Of hardware failure, a pile of silicone manure, stacked up as high as a pillar

So crack open a Miller, and taste shitty pilsner,

Not like Clown Shoes or Landshark, your hard drive's life is shorter than Thrilla'.

If you think I'm a Mad Hatter, well square that shit bro,

I'm the pinnacle of the $3,000 hoe.

And soon after your comp shuts down for good,

You've spent thousands on this heap, now it's as technologic as wood.


My Hackintosh you see, is as awesome as can be,

No other computa will ever near be, as godlike as this

Nowhere near are Google's servers or a far out as Sputnik,

Oh shit, Russia just got served by America's freedom of speech proverb

But without second guessing we top you elsewhere, remember that 2010 Vancouver fare?

I think 3 gold is all that you got, being shot down even before lining up to the start.

My Mario Kart collects more gold than you, and there's not even coins in that game,

For fact, for true, for justice and all, my Hackintosh strikes you out like CC's fastball.


So now that you see what my Hackintosh be,

A modern day panel van mystery machine.

It runs circles round n00bs, gets 1080p boobs from the tube,

Not the one with the YOU, the color of an apple, like the Steve Jobs crew.

That's why without further adieu, I present to you,

My effin'-A Hackintosh, what do you think of that, boo?


hashslasher Uploaded 08/11/2011
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